I am scared that I messed up...

[tryingtilDorR]

I can become that man again. I am on track to becoming that man again and better...

I have lost close to 20lbs over that last several weeks, 10 lbs are mostly likely do to stress. But each morning I get up and work out.

Keep this up - it will be your only hope. At some point your motivation will slowly transition. Initially we do these things partially to get our W back, but eventually we are just doing it for ourself.

You are starting a long, tough journey. Only through your own work on yourself will you end up in a better place at the end of the trip - with our without your W.

All of us want to 'fix' things so badly, but we can't. I would leave her alone as much as you can and just act like 'that guy' you described above and avoid getting sucked into R talks. It is hard - I have struggled with this a LOT over the past six months, but I know what needs to be done and have learned the hard way. I am not sure MC is the right thing - it sounds like you are in the situation I was a little over a year ago, when my W first told me she wasn't happy at all and we tried MC but she wasn't putting an effort it. She used the 'failure' of MC I think to justify to herself that the M was over and then got involved in an EA.

Be careful and also be on the lookout for OM. I am not trying to alarm you, but you need to know if that is a factor because if it is you have a different set of problems. In the end you still need to work on yourself and improve, but you have an added burden of establishing boundaries related to OM, etc. if that is a factor.