W can't break EA - not sure how to handle it

[Serenity13]

Hi Tristan...

I haven't finished reading your thread however I will...I did want to point out a couple of things from what I read...Now remember I am the one with bi-polar so I will basing this on me and my emotions & this may be a bit long...

First thing that jumped out at me was on page 3 - "The snake is telling her that he believes her disorder is "situational" and it would likely get better if she left me. Sometimes, I find myself wondering if it is true."

Darling this is the biggest lie there is...Bi-polar isn't situational...It is scary and it sucks big time however YOU have no control over it and no it won't get better just by leaving you...

The chemical imbalance isn't caused by you...She may try to blame you however this isn't about you...There were times that I was off my meds (because I hated taking them) and no matter what, my H couldn't do anything right...I hated him for the way I felt even though he had no control over it.

I had the shortest fuse ever and nothing would make me happy...This went off and on for years...I would take my meds, feel better, go off them and then somewhere down the line, it would kick back in...It is a horrible cycle to be in so I can imagine how it is to see someone you love suffer that way...When I was medicated, I was almost normal - Unmedicated, I was a mess complete with self mutilation, suicidal tendencies and so much rage I could kill a person without blinking an eye.

The emotions that you feel as a "normal" person are magnified in her by about a thousand...I liken it to feeling like a candle in a hurricane...The emotions come flooding in, wave after wave after wave and I can't control them...There is happy, mad, sad, rage, hate etc...All in a very short time.

The thought process gets screwy for me...I have so many thoughts swirling around my head however I can't grasp even one of them and of course anyone in my line of sight is at fault...Your wife has bipolar II and I have bipolar I - Only difference is I have manic episodes and she would have hypomanic episodes (just less severe form of manic)...

Now a symptom for either form of bipolar is a tendency to engage in behavior that could have serious consequences, such as spending recklessly or inappropriate sexual encounters...It doesn't excuse her however it is something wired in there that causes her to act this way...

I was diagnosed when I was 17 and I will admit I took the sexual encounters portion to the extreme (before I was married)...After I was married it was the spending and the grandiose thoughts that I could do no wrong...

When all this started, it sent me into a full manic episode complete with paranoia and hallucinations - My worst manic episode ever, however with meds, it can be controlled...I was put on 5 different meds and when my H bailed, all my meds were doubled...That really pissed me off...I felt like I could control myself, control my emotions, keep everything in check...I failed and it was just an awful feeling for me...

My H blamed my bipolar for his A and ultimatly his leaving and that my friend was a very bitter pill to swallow...It still is - Even though I "don't own his crazy", the words were put there and the blade of the sword was felt by me and honestly it takes everything I have on some days to just make it to the end of the day.

I will continue reading and please let me know if you have any questions - I am sorry this is so long