Well, another day has gone by since I read that awful letter.
It was cold and heartless. It was something you would write to your worst enemy. So uncharacteristic of what H was before this all started. It doesn't even sound like I know the person who wrote this letter. He wrote that you will never have a relationship with me again. He's right I don't want one! I find it so hard to comprehend what he has become. My hearts not really breaking anymore. I'm just sad that he has turned into like my thread is titled "A Stranger".
He has not referred to the letter yet. I'm wondering if he ever will. Also wondering if skank had something to do with it. Now there's a thought. Wouldn't it be weird if skank wrote it. It starts off by apologizing for the handwriting. Mmmm... Just a thought.
It doesn't matter MJ....try to not obsess over the details of the letter...like guessing if OW wrote it...you will start regressing at some point, if you keep doing that...in my humble opinion. I hope that is not harsh...just be careful. You are doing great and I don't want you to lose that "Peace" you have achieved.
What is your plan for this week? Anything new going on?
I will be thinking of you and will still keep in touch ... I will probably need some support this weekend. Although, my goal is to stay strong thruout the weekend!! HeHe!!! I will try anyways....have a good rest of the week, MJ.
No obsessing, no analyzing. I guess it just really sunk in how much garbage there is to this MLC. The letter just proved to me how sick he really is. I have no doubt in my mind now that he is going through a crisis. I will no longer wonder when he is gone, or late getting home if he is with ow. She can have this one. I want the healthy one back. I will stay STRONG as there is a PEACE that surrounds me now. My coworkers have even noticed it. I don't know if I mentioned it before, but I read this letter at home by myself. Then I went to my Christian friends house afterwards. She said she was hoping I would read it on my own. That I needed to face my Giant. She didn't want to tell me that she felt if I did this alone it would show her how strong I really was. My gut feeling all along, was that it would not be good. That's why I kept putting it off. She laughed while I was reading it to her. She doesn't even know much about MLC, but she knew it was a projection letter. A blah,blah,blah.
I will continue to be his friend. That's all I can do at this point. I would really love to be the W again to my H. Hopefully the mothership will bring him back soon. (sigh)
I have been tempted to say to my H "it must suck to live in your head" but haven't yet.. but wouldn't that be an interesting response!
I'd not use the word "sorry"- maybe it's semantic but you've got nothing to be sorry about IMHO. You can be sad, or feel for him, or even feel bad for him that he feels that way but you are not SORRY bc there's nothing for you to apologize about.
But then again it prob won't matter, if he's like my H he will hear whatever he wants to hear anyway.
H 51/W 43 Together 24yrs/Married 19yrs 2 kids- D18 & S16 "I want out" July 2008 "I want out" Dec 2008 "I want you out" Aug 2009 Still in house thru it all
Just wanted to say that I got a letter from H early on as well. I think these letters are meant more for the WAS than for us. It shows how conflicted they are are at the moment and the turmoil that is going on in their head. I envision a twister inside their minds that jumbles every feeling/memory/doubt/ together and they just can't think logically so it all comes out just plain wrong and hurtful. what does the book say, don't believe 100% of what they say or 50% of what you see.... well, this falls into the 100% category for me.
Looks like you "get that". Great attitude!
HIW M 35 H 37 D 5, D 2 Married 1996 Dating 1992 Met 1988 EA/PA started March 2009 Bomb 6/16/2009 Separated 6/23/2009
MJ - It helps me when I start feeling like I am going into a tailspin regarding H to remember that he is a mess right now and has a lot of strange stuff going through his head, and that he didn't choose this to happen to him, either. It at least helps me regain my perspective.
What a good idea... "I feel bad for you that you feel that way." I like it, although I wonder how he would take it. I was having trouble with the "I'm sorry" part. It kinda makes him look like everything he said was right on when it's not.
He hasn't asked yet. I want to be ready with the right thing to say though.
The letter was like a God send. It reinforced my feelings that he is really in MLC. There were so many signs before that. I wished it would have been a remorseful letter, but that will come.
It really does help when you realize what they are dealing with rather than thinking they are just nasty people now. I too have seen many signs leading up to it even now that I look back. Wish I had known, but then I couldn't have stopped it anyway so I guess it wouldn't have done any good. At least I know now so I dont' think I am the one that is crazy!
Funny how your H hasn't mentioned the letter.
Have a good weekend! Are you sticking around home again?
How is it going today? Are you seeing any signs of your H, or is alien H still hanging around?
I'm just going away on saturday, not overnight. I'm not running away from my home every weekend anymore because of alien H. I will just try my best to keep my eyes off the mess he lives in. While he is out living like a teenager, I will be here enjoying my home. He said in the letter that it was getting more uncomfortable all the time living here with the divorce looming. Oh gee, then why doesn't he quit doing what he's doing. He brought it on himself. I am not the one making him uncomfortable. I wonder if he's ever thought how uncomfortable I have felt seeing him come and go to be with ow.
His phone kept ringing last night. I assumed it was skank keeping tabs on her married man while he was home with his wife. I finally had enough, slammed my laptop closed and went to bed. I asked GOD to please give me PEACE to let this go. I fell asleep, and slept like a baby.
I still can't believe all the projection that was in that letter. I still can't believe I was actually thinking it might be a letter of remorse.
Doing okay today but it has been a hard week overall. It is more alien H still around. Every time I see positives I think maybe, just maybe he is starting to come out of the tunnel and then he goes back in. But that seems to be the process. His pullbacks are definitely not as bad or pronounced as they used to be, it seems. Or maybe I am just more used to it?
All we can do is try to ignore the behavior and do our best with us.
Is there any progress on the D? Didn't he file awhile ago?
