Hi JCJ. You asked me to give me feedback on your situation so here I am....
Here is what I really believe...
For some reason I have found women that I give advice to just have a hard time either believing or feeling or understanding that the things I recommend DO WORK on men.
I am a man. I have talked to hundreds of men. I have observed other men and work, at play, in leisure, when serious. All observations and talk and discussion regarding women.
This is what I have found and discovered. It isn't what I HOPE is the truth, and reality and facts about men, but what I have observed to be true about the reality and facts of what works best for a woman to pull a man toward her instead of away from her....
First.. If he acts and behaves in ways that shows he doesn't want to be with you or in ways that don't show respect to you....
REJECT HIM. Not in a mean way. It is done in a way of quiet confidence and self respect. You are NOT available to him on his whims anymore. Matter of fact, you are not available to him at all...
How is this done?
The woman HAS (imperative) to be very busy with other things in her life. Constantly on the run (what HE needs to be thinking is that you are, even if you are sitting home now and then)...
has OTHER MEN THAT WANT HER AND ARE INTERESTED IN HER...
I don't apologize for this. WHY? Because it is a fact... Just accept it as a fact and the reality. Quit fighting this fact like so many other women do and GO WITH IT.. When you go with the reality and the facts of it instead of fighting constantly against it, then you will suddenly notice a change.
IN HIM AND IN YOU...
Most women on here aren't or won't even allow themselves the opportunity to be open to these things. "If I have to make him jealous to get him to pay attention to me or want me back, then I don't want him" ?????????
What kind of nonsense is that? It is OK for you to want him when he has another woman though huh?
This is silly of you to be making such a tragic error in your logic....
If you wanted to repair your car and the mechanic told you that he needed a special tool to do the work the fastest and with the best results, would you tell him "NO don't use that tool. I want you to use a wrench."
He says.."that wrench probably won't work. I have been trying to repair it with that wrench, but it just isn't working."
You say.. " Others told me that you should use a wrench. I don't care what you say and I am paying you for this, so keep using the wrench. If I have to use a special tool to get this car repaired and it isn't a wrench, then I don't want the car"....
The mechanic is dumbfounded.....
Same situation here..
You keep trying to use a wrench and you need a special tool...
JEALOUSY and COMPETITION is your tool. Competition that your WS FEELS... The threat of having lost you FOR GOOD..
The wrench that you are using is "if I just hang in there and show him how much I love him, if I just treat him nice enough, if I just show him how wrong I have been and what a bad wife I have been and allow him to keep seeing this OW, maybe he will see the error of his ways or maybe the affair will die and he will come running back to me."
(Why is it ok for him to come back in those instances and not ok if moving on without him and he gets jealous and comes back?)
Your answer...
STOP trying. Let him SEE, feel and think you have had a huge awakening.. Suddenly your interest in gone. Suddenly when he calls you, you are too busy to talk and are just running out the door.. (again he thinks??? has she found someone else?.. no, not JCJ.. she still wants me..) back and forth his wheels start turning in his head.
You keep this up.. Suddenly he isn't so sure about you... He finds out that YOU (yes YOU) had the audacity to go out or go to lunch with or socially interact with another.. MAN?????
That is my take. It is no big secret on this site.
Go back and read RedSoxFan and his thread. His reaction to when his wife started to see someone else. Observe how he acted when SHE kept trying to get him to come back and observe his action and attitude NOW... Nothing worked for her EXCEPT quitting and trying AND going out with someone else..
That situation and what happened are not unusual. Most of the men on here are here because the woman STOPPED trying and changed her attitude AND had someone else in their life...
So, you can deny those realities and facts and observations and keep using your wrench. Or you can accept that "Yes, it does seem to be that way doesn't it?" (the special tool) and go with the reality...
Good luck..
You will also find that when you choose to let go and act differently that you will find a strength, better self esteem and a new resolve about YOU. Suddenly you realize that yes, you are right Gucci, I don't need to allow this. I do deserve better and I WILL....
