Hope and heartache

[ClingingToHope]

Last night had to talk to WAW on a couple of occasions. D7 needed to be picked up from school early. I volunteered. As part of conversation, I asked if we were going to talk at lunch this week -- which she'd suggested last week -- she said she maybe could call me Friday after 1 p.m.

I told her not to worry, let's do it next week.

Girls stayed with me last night. She called while we were swimming at the Y. I called back at 8:30 p.m. She was still at work and sounded tired. I reminded her she needed to write checks for both daughters' fundraisers.

This morning, we went over there early so we could put her checks in their backpacks before they got on the bus. She looked tired again and only looked at me once or twice.

I know I'm not supposed to try to decipher every single situation, but I can't help myself. She could be really stressed from the week. She could be resenting the fact my job is so much more flexible I can go to D7's school picnic today and she can't. Or she's feeling guilty about the breakup and doesn't want to look at me.

Not sure if any of those are good. I'd rather a nice smile and good morning, but she has never been a morning person.

I won't see her again until next week. I'm working at a football game tonight and out of town at a marathon Saturday and Sunday all to make money to cover the startup costs of my own apartment.

At first I was really happy to get these part-time jobs because it gave me something to do on weekends I didn't have the kids and make enough money that supporting two households isn't hurting so much.

But it does inhibit my GALing. The weekends I have the kids, the WAW is going out. Many of the weekends I don't have the girls, I'm working.

As the winter goes on though this may flip around. Her job tends to get much more stressful in the winter and I won't be out of town so much. Also in the winter there are a lot of business after hours events and I'm joining a singles group through my church, which has 9,000 members so there are people there for me to interact with.

So much to think about every day.
______________________
M: 40
W: 38
Married: 13 years
D: 10
D: 7
Bomb dropped: 2-09
Moved out: 5-09
No legal steps taken