My Intro: Thanks for Reading!

[RedSoxFan]

Some random thoughts.....

Of course it does, but really RSF, this is your fault. Sorry to put it so bluntly but it is.

So now it's time to take your medicine and deal.

OK. I've accepted responsibility. There have to be limits. Do I need to need a martyr.

This could end up with you two together. Why bluff? You have no cards with any kind of ability to win. So just sit there. Be patient. Take care of you, take care of your kids, take care of her from the distance she wants you to keep for now.

Have faith she's going to dump this guy.

Support from a distance. How far does this go. Should I buy them some toys and condoms? I separated and left. Got it. I had an affair. Got it. I ended it. Check. She's with another man. She knows I love her...we're still married. But she's still going. I cannot find a way in my head to combine my love for her with her being with another man. It seems desperate and paradoxical that I am asking her no to divorce me and while she continues dating someone. Maybe that's the part I just don't get in all of this. Lots of folks on this list seem to find ways to deal with it. Maybe I just have control issues as a few folks pointed out. PC and I discussed this yesterday and are digging into it further on Monday.

Remember, you are the father of her children. She does want her kids and herself to be happy and if she decides the best thing is for all of you to be together, then alls well, right?

Stop looking for ways to get what you want RIGHT NOW. Be patient and stay the course and stop thinking about that other relationship. It's such a bigger deal in your head than it is in reality.

Do you really have any idea how much time they spend together now?

Obviously with the every other weekend schedule they have that time together. Other time is difficult given school.

She just emailed me because the kids mentioned to her that we were invited to party Saturday night and they wanted to go. It's her weekend. She said she is fine if we go she just wants to know so she can plan around. Of course that means set up more time with OM. It just puts knots in my stomach. I love to be with my kids but I hate supporting the furthering of their relationship together. You're right, I can't do anything about it but should I stay married to someone who hurts me like this just because I screwed up? If so how long? Should I keep funneling over 1/3 of my income to her while I live a meager existence? If so how long?

People keep telling me to take care of myself. I'm in a great place to move on with my life. I have nothing but goodness in front of me were it not for being in limbo.

I'd be fine waiting a year if I knew we would be together. I loathe the idea of hurting for a year while I effectively support her falling in love with another man.

well, I guess these are my true colors.