So my choices are to make things so uncomfortable about this that she does move out (which I've almost gotten there), or focus on DBing for the time being.
By making things uncomfortable do you mean you're not massaging her or comforting her as she tries to destroy your family? I think you should be working on detaching, GALing, and focusing on your kids. DBing is crucial I think, work on changing yourself in positive ways, work on improving yourself, and being the best dad you can be. I think DBing should include a chapter on boundaries and being strong and confident. I don't think the most effective DBing occurs when one is a doormat, but when one is strong and confident.
