More and more over the last few weeks I have felt done. These texts, emails, constant emotional blockage have taken their toll on me. Being welcoming, receptive and avoiding all key issues blah blah blah has worked up to a point i.e. he will now contact me and wants to spend time with me off his own back but we are not moving forward. More to the point I am not moving forward. I have realised that I am worth so much more.
Jody said to me a while ago to tell him that 'I realise he is very busy but I will not be last on his to-do list. When he is ready I will be waiting.' And I have never been able to do that. It would make me feel really crap to say 'I will be waiting' maybe because I am so cross with myself that I still am.
I don't know what to do, carry on as I have been and keep in this limbo or cut him off, or is there another option? I think ultimately I know that this would be the best thing for me but how to go about doing it. I am terrible at cutting people off.
I feel stuck. Everytime he sees me I can tell there is attraction there and he has a great time and enjoys spending time with me however he then blocks it, I would hazard a strong guess because of ow. I have no idea how to make him pursue me in this kind of situation - which is what I would really like to happen. When I see him I am spurred onto keep pursuing meetings and being receptive and ultimately not forgetting about him and putting him behind me as I should be doing.
I am tired. All I get is half-arsed responses. 'I hope you are ok', 'I hope Maple is ok', letting me know via text or email what is going on in his life but never mentioning ow - cop out. Buying me presents but never actually giving me them. It has been nearly two years; I am so disgusted with myself that it has been this long.
I got a text from him this morning
'Hiya, just thought I'd drop you a line to say hello. Had a really nice time in America, saw lots of BMF which was good and he has a new girlfriend who is nice, they seem very into each other. Saw Westside Story on Broadway which was amazing! Shame to be back but getting on with my new job now. Hope you're ok and Maple is doing alright. H.'
What am I supposed to say to that? And what is with signing his name on a text message? I just thought, why is this person in my life. The answer - because I let him.
I'm so cross at my thoughts because I think 'I'll file for divorce' then my next thought is 'ooohhh I wonder if that'll be the thing to bring him back?' And that is my problem. My head says I don't want this person back but my heart says otherwise.
I want to move forward but I don't know how. I can't have him being like this. Either he makes a proper effort or he leaves my life. I’m very, very bad at being tough. How do I do this?
