Ups and Downs

[Energizer Bunny]

You're right. She is torn. She's not in my bed though. She was for two nights, but not since.

I saw her on the computer. She didn't hide it. I went upstairs as I usually do to change my clothes after work and wrote my previous post.

When I came down, she called me over and said "Just do you know, when I am looking at this stuff, I am thinking of it as temporary. Hopefully this will give me the space that I need and then I'll come back home. We'll just use the other place as investment property."

We hugged, we cried etc.

I told her that I still didn't agree, but would accept it if that's what she really felt she needed. She cried and told me that she's so sorry for this and thanked me for not hating her. I responded by telling her that I am just trying to be supportive, understanding and the best husband I can be. I said "It's funny, I think that I'm now a better husband than I have ever been." She agreed.

I told her that her actions confuse me. If she hates being in debt, it doesn't make sense to take on the expenses of another house. It's more than just the down payment but closing costs, prepaids, home inspection, appliances, association fees, furnishing etc. But if that's what she really felt she needed.

She had gotten pizza for dinner and I brought homw a couple of movies. I wasn't in the mood for a family night at that point so I went for a walk.

When I got home she seemed concerned about me. I was careful not tu make it about me at that point. We hugged some more and she went for a walk herself.

She still cares sometimes, but this seems to be becoming a lot more MLC.

I am struggling. I have made a choice, a committment to see this thing through, but I am sick of rejection. Being unwanted. I'm thinking of all of the mean things that have been said and done. Do I want someone who treats me this way?