My H and I have been separated since November. So almost one year I’ve been DBing. My H doesn’t live me right now, but he does stay there two nights during the week (normally) and on the weekends. At first when I put my foot down, what happened was this: H can’t take S overnight during the week because S is only 3 and H has to be at work very very early. I told him I am not raising this kid alone. I didn’t’ have him alone, I won’t do this alone and I told him he was going to stay at our place two nights during the week and could take S to his place for his weekends. As of now, there’s only been two nights my S has slept at H’s place. And on H’s weekends, he’s still at our place. His doing, not mine. He spent the first two nights, maybe three in the guest room during the week nights when we started this. Then by his own doing, he wanted to sleep in our room. He said “The guest room bed sucks.” Oh, ok.
I will admit that H is a good to amazing father. Good on his bad days and amazing most every other time. S is enamored with H. I’m very lucky, I know. S is transitioning just fine. And I told H that’s because he’s there’s twice a week over night and S knows Daddy will be there and it’s comfort to him. It’s just like if Daddy were a doctor or fire fighter or a cop. Honestly, I don’t think it ever occurred to H the impact of him being there overnight with S was having. I think he agrees with me, but he didn’t say anything just nodded. Who knows?
Do you have any ability to make your H take S? I have a very good girlfriend who’s been my rock through this. She is divorced and her daughter is now in grad school. But when her D was younger, my friend had to force her H to take their D. He did not want to. In recent days, her D said she remembered that. She remember that my friend forced ex-H to take D and basically force him to have a relationship with their D. And he did. He eventually grew to love his time with D.
