Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust

[thegoodfight]

Indy,

I doubt very much if your wife is any different than most people, we don't make good decisions when stress becomes strain. I do believe that you have to get a "grip" on yourself and deal with you and the kids and let your wife do the same for herself.

I understand how difficult it is to do the right thing when it seems contrarey to what you want. I am gonna share this with you; I went through many years of pain, most of which was self inflicted, my heart goes out to you and how difficult it is to see straight sometimes.

Remember this DB principles don't guarentee saving the marraige, but they do give the person applying them a great chance at saving themselves and protecting their children. By doing this you also stand as good a chance as any in saving the marriage.

Now is the time to dig deep, not to act as if everything is okay, but ignore the huge elephant in the room. You need to act as if it doesn't matter, what matters are the kids and your mental state of being. Change what you can change YOU! Everything else is out of your control.

I couldn't save my marriage, I am hear to tell you I gave everything I had for quite some time and even worked on it and stayed open for a while after the divorce. I am here to tell you it worked out for the best, I learned alot about myself and about my wife of ten years. My son is good considering all and we get along wonderfully in regards to him.

I am usually pretty happy in fact been nicknamed pleasantville, she is not as happy and usually all over the board. Why, don't know for sure but she wasn't ever able to look at herself and see what she needed to change. Everything was my fault in her eyes and she did nothing wrong. Sadly when we take that approach growth is stunted and we end up very unhappy with ourselves.

Do what you can do for yourself and the kids, force yourself to detache from the wife and focus on any changes you need to make. Go to counseling or a preacher and talk about it. You need to regain control over you! Hang in there and start doing!