UPSIDE DOWN - still struggling, trying to detach

[Eskimo Nell]

Good to have input from you all but tonight I want to S C R E A M ....

I have struggled all day - glad that I was at work and glad that I only had a load of reading and 'familiarising' to do as I couldn't have coped with anything else. I guess I kept waiting for a message from H and of course, none came. I rushed home, thinking foolishly that there may be an email but again, nothing. It's early yet but I'm not foolish enough to think that he will email later, either - especially today. This hurts like you can only imagine ... in two and a quarter hours, sixteen years ago, I started my walk up the aisle.

I'm trembling with anger, hurt, sadness, upset ... and I am so tempted to ring him but my head won't let my heart do it. I know that I could have been seeing him tonight or over the weekend if I hadn't changed my draft email, but I also know that what I am doing is right. It doesn't stop every ounce of my body from the way I am feeling right now. I just don't think that I can go on for much longer like this ...

I think that we do need to talk soon. It's been almost three weeks now and there are things that need to be said about the house and I need to let him know that, whilst I am coping, I think that he should be doing stuff here too - why am I lumbered with everything and he's getting off scott free? There's an imbalance of EVERYTHING here ... just need to take the weekend to sort out a 'script' for how that conversation is going to go.

Any suggestions??