This idea of lack of responsibility goes back before OW - H has a habit, as does his whole family I might add - of an attitude of "they are doing this to screw me" "it's everyone else's fault" etc.
Now I am finally taking responsibility for things I should have seen a year ago or more in my own behavior, thoughts, attitudes, emotions. But H not only has WAS syndrome, he has the added stubborness and poor-me-ness of his character.
He came back from therapy today and said that he wants to fire his therapist. I have a feeling his C must have confronted him on his behavior yesterday - H told me C said he has to be able to talk to me about the legal sep issues or else lawyers will do it at a high cost. I have a feeling H was being told keep your cool and that H didn't like that he couldn't blame me?
So I did my 180-- instead of freaking out like I wanted to about him quitting IC (like if he quits then there's never any hope H will see his side of things), I just said, "Yeah, a lot of therapists suck". What can I do. Can't control him.
Wanted to "show H I wasn't going to be treated badly" today by kinda blacking out - but when I came home tonight he was 1) here - and those nights are too few for me to take for granted and 2) he was nice again. Maybe I'm just a sucker. I drink in the pleasant times together. Gives me hope for the future. Maybe I should just close myself off in my room and be mysterious, protect myself in case he decides to go off again. If only I had the strength to make him miss me.
But I am just someone who wants to have good times with him to show him my changes, so H can experience things being different, etc.
