WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

Well, finally got a response from my email on Tuesday about "I had talked to my buddy and told him that we would be attending and will see her there."

Here replies were:

"sorry i am just getting this message now, i guess you know the details now
i really wanted to take the kids to this as i have not gotten to do any weekend stuff with them and it is only a short time
i wanted to avoid any awkwardness since you have not wanted to do things together or even talk for that matter anymore
and certainly did not want to involve anyone else especially at something like a bday party which is for the kids and supposed to be fun
i still would like to take them to this"

and a second email

"so we are both going to be there???
how is it that you think you can do that but can't even do sunday evenings?"

I'm drafting a response (or more like Stronger to the rescue again to help me draft a response). She did send me a whole bunch of pictures of the kids and other "nice" factoids about the kids today. I just have a feeling she's buttering me up for some more BS....

[confusedinpa]

CIPA, you're handling a horrendously difficult and draining phase well. It won't feel like it at times although you already know that's what it is - a phase that you will move forward from with time.

Your kids are lucky to have you for their dad. One day, you will all be thankful for the way you are conducting yourself for them as best you can.

Deep,

Thanks for your support and encouragement

[sandi2]

Be careful........very careful. This email she sent is packed full of R traps. Don't respond until you are 100% certain that you are not saying anything from an emotion (high or low) b/c that is when you get into trouble. Keep it business. Don't argue with her and don't feel that you have to justify your actions or parental rights. She's not dumb.....she knows she is being unfair about Sundays. She also knows exactly how horrible she treated you, so she's simply playing the "poor little me" routine to see if you'll take the bait. If she can't get any emotional response from you in one way, then she'll try being nice, or sexy, or......whatever she thinks may work. So.....be careful.... very careful.

[MrBond]

Sandi's right. Be careful.

[confusedinpa]

Oh I know there's a storm brewing.

She sent me a whole bunch of kids pictures and factoids via email and text throughout the day. I just responded "politely" to the ones that had a specific question. She did it right before I called to say good nite to the boys.

I got really annoyed as she told me that she didn't take my 7 year old to soccer today because he was afraid he would get wet if it rained. Talk about more jedi mind tricks. It's not right. I just ignored it as I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. She then went into how our 7 year old got in trouble dealing with a bully a school - he and another boy got hit so he punched the bully back. He had to write I will not hit for the rest of recess. She told me what she said to him and how she handled it.

I just thanked her for letting me know and said goodbye.

Then she text me later how much she appreciated me discussing the stuff about our 7 year old tonite.

ARGH!!!!

Anyway, here is going to be my response to her (Thanks to Stronger's incredible help)

"Wife,

Yes, I'm going to be there with the boys. I've always liked these events with our friends and I do not plan to miss them. If you decide not to go, please extend our friends the courtesy of letting her know.

If you believe we need to speak, or there things that you want to do together, please let me know when and where and we'll do those things or have any conversation you would like. But please, do not tell me what I'm thinking and what it is I want. I don't think you have any idea about that either. The one thing that I do continue to ask is that we must be open, honest and respectful in our communications.

I am confused though. Why would either of us feel awkward at a party our children are attending? This is the path you've chosen by your actions, and we all have to deal with it. We are adults. If you are going to feel awkward, then please understand I will understand if you are not there. I will be there and in the future, I would like to know about all parties the boys are invited to. I would do the same for you if the roles were reversed and you were traveling back and forth for work."

I'm going sleep on it and then send it out in the morning

I will see my boys in less than 21 hours!!!!!

[MrBond]

"Yes, I'm going to be there with the boys. I've always liked these events with our friends and I do not plan to miss them. If you decide not to go, please extend our friends the courtesy of letting her know."

Just send this. Period. That other stuff is going to open the door to more R talk. I don't know if you've realized it, but you have a tendency to talk too much to her and fall into her traps.

Short and sweet. If she doesn't want to go, tough. You are going to be there looking good, happy and be the life of the kid's party.

[confusedinpa]

Just realized another I wanted to journal

Once again, magically the laptop I gave my boys to skype me, did NOT work once again.......

I'm going have to get a mobile aircard installed on it so I won't have to rely on her letting them use her internet service.

Absolutely crazy.....

[confusedinpa]

"Yes, I'm going to be there with the boys. I've always liked these events with our friends and I do not plan to miss them. If you decide not to go, please extend our friends the courtesy of letting her know."

Just send this. Period. That other stuff is going to open the door to more R talk. I don't know if you've realized it, but you have a tendency to talk too much to her and fall into her traps.

Short and sweet. If she doesn't want to go, tough. You are going to be there looking good, happy and be the life of the kid's party.

I had thought about going that short and direct route, but I'm doing some CYA in the email too where she is "claiming" I'm not trying to communicate or do things with her. I want to be able to pull things up in court to show that I am willing, as long as she is wiling to be open, honest and respectful.

If she does start a relationship talk, I will just stop her by saying there is no point in talking about our relationship when there are other people involved. What I will talk with her about is the kids, but even then, I'm finding she's not being open or honest (i.e. not telling me about the B'day party). She's just helping me build my own case when I go for primary custody if she continues down this path.

It's crazy. I am feeling stronger today (no pun intended Stronger) as I know I will be ok - one way or the other. I did go for a run again today, so I really think that's something I need to continue to do.

Once I get my apartment situation set up in NY, I am going to find a boxing class as that is something I always wanted to do (I already did Karate and jujitsu). It will be back to working on me, for me and for my boys.

So if she wants to keep playing games, let her. I'm not going to let it affect me.

So you can guess from my post, I am back to a up moment....

[MrBond]

I seriously doubt that everything in there is for legal purposes. You have copies of everything else. end it already. If you wanted to add things for the legal dept. you should have added the stuff about missing soccer games that are important to your son.

I wouldn't have even answered her "tactical" messages. Deal with it if/when you see her.

[confusedinpa]

I hear ya Stuck.

That's why I always draft my response and post it here and sleep on it before I send it out.

I know you and everyone else here are trying to keep me from myself at times.

Thanks!