What if the person you've been with- no longer wear's contacts b/c their eyes are too dry now,
My wife looks great in glasses. I think they can be an enhancement. Make sure they are stylish, don't wear your grandma's glasses. Now that I think about it, many of my girlfriends in HS and college wore glasses as well.
OK, yes, I've gained about 50 lbs since the kids. First it was undiagnosed hypothyroidism for over a year (I knew it but the doc's were not too bright at the time) 20 lbs piled on. Then pregnant and then I maintained my weight but had a rough time losing it. This past year of the "bomb", working from home with horrible deadlines (think up till 2 am on some nights) and a toddler who is constantly sick every month and up pretty much every single night (yes, I mean every single night). Acually, many doc's are now involved with my son- it's complicated. Anyhow, in one year another 25 lbs piled on.
So of course, I am loving the gym and get disappointed if I can't go every night but I still need to really get kicking with the Weight Watchers. No, I was always super skinny and active. These few years with my health issues (heart trouble then the thyroid, then ankle problems- trouble walking) and then horrible times with my kids (oldest constant croup nighttime hell). It's really taken a toll on me. My quality of life has been very bad. I've envied the stay at home mom's with no job and kids that actually slept through the night and were not sick all the time.
Hubby was always obsessed with my weight. Ticked off I was in the 130's then angry I hit the 140's. Mean comments,etc. I admit I totally have a complex now. He swears he has changed now that weight is no longer an issue but he really does not show that to me. I hate it when gets impressed that a woman had kids and stayed thin. It's totally an insult to me.
He gets annoyed. "When are you ever going to drop it about the weight issue, you know I don't care anymore". Well, after ten years of comments on his end...
Just were I am coming from. I've been close to a WAW, now the LBS (hubby still in house), and again feel like I could be a WAW some days.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
And another thing....yes I am going to fight the divorce. But I am in a very different position as I do have a child with this idiot I'm still in love with. (Good thing for him!)
I'm not going to go to the courthouse and sit there doing my own karaoke version of Pink's Don't leave me.....
But if the time comes, I will simply file for an extension per my state's law to allow us to reconcile during that time. My state's laws do lean toward encouraging reconciliation, despite being a no fault state.
Again, protect yourself but you can fight this to a certain extent. And for me, I want it on record that Mommy did everything she could to fight this D, if it were to ever happen. That's for me and my karma.
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For any man with half his wits about him, that's hot! She know's who she is, she knows what she wants and she's not afraid to go after it.
I don't agree one bit. VERY unattractive. A woman who continues to try and win a man or who won't let go when he pulls away isn't hot at all. It is a turnoff. It almost never brings him around.
YOUR very own situation is evidence of this RSF. When your wife WAS fighting for her marriage, you rejected her. It was only AFTER she stopped fighting for it that you woke up and suddenly you were never so attracted to her..
I don't agree one bit. VERY unattractive. A woman who continues to try and win a man or who won't let go when he pulls away isn't hot at all. It is a turnoff. It almost never brings him around.
YOUR very own situation is evidence of this RSF. When your wife WAS fighting for her marriage, you rejected her. It was only AFTER she stopped fighting for it that you woke up and suddenly you were never so attracted to her..
Couple of thoughts.
What I find attractive here is the confidence and decisiveness. For me that is very attractive
I wasn't making a call as to whether the approach was a good DBing technique or not. Perhaps I should have given more consideration to where I'm posting ;-)
As for my specific situation, when I was walking away I attribute my behavior to where I was at that time not my wife's. Nothing or noone could have gotten through to me. If my wife had stopped pursuing and started seeing another man it would not have made a difference. It was only after I went through whatever cycles and processes that I went through that I was in a receptive state.
So I'm agreeing with you but with the caveat that both spouses must be in their places: WAS ready and receptive, LBS detached and attractive.
It seems there may be instances where hanging on a bit longer until WAS is receptive might be a good thing. Obviously doing so while remaining detached and attractive (not attached and desperate) is key. Is this one of those cases? I don't know. I'll leave that up to you experts.
AKA: "Ben the school teacher" --- Me:45, W:41 | Ds:10,12&14 | M:18, T:20 Me: MLC+PA+WAS+Separated 10/08 My Request to Reconcile Denied 7/09 W w/OM 6/09-11/09
He gets annoyed. "When are you ever going to drop it about the weight issue, you know I don't care anymore". Well, after ten years of comments on his end...
So if you're the one bringing up the weight issue or your problems with him having problem with the weight issue, maybe you should stop bringing it up? One of the few things we did right in our marriage is implement a 6 month rule; we couldn't bring up stuff the other person had done if it was over 6 months in the past. If you didn't have a 3 month or 6 month rule or something like that, when you've been married for 15 or 20 years you could be fighting constantly over all the stuff both have done in the past.
If he's not bringing up your weight anymore; I think you shouldn't either. Try to forgive your H for his comments in the past (if they are in the past), he was wrong, but it's a good thing for you to forgive and try to let go of the anger, which hurts you most.
I've been reading stuff lately that even 10 minutes of exercise a day can be really good, and most all of us can do that, wake up 10 minutes earlier and exercise. And I just read if you just cut 100 calories a day, you will lose about a pound in a month.
When I've gained weight in the past, I went to sparkpeople.com which is a free site that helps people lose weight. It's awesome and has so much great stuff I highly recommend that.
Hi Karen, Thanks for the info. Yes, my goal is to exercise everyday. I really love going to the gym. Did join Sparkpeople a while back but didn't really look into it much yet.
Yes, the insecurity stems from me chasing hubby around for sex and affection and his lack of compliments. Old tired argument. Anyhow, learned my lesson a while back that it's pointless to bring it up with him in that regards.
I would love to see more posts on what makes a woman desirable to men!
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
