One week after he walked out - he tells me that he didn't leave me - he just wasn't ready to move in. He admitted he overreacted when saying he was cancelling the move. He asked to put the move back in place. I said no. I asked that we talk in MC about our readiness and then plan. He refused the month to month on the basis of finances. (I guess he can't add the difference between a few extra months of payments vs a whole year) so he has put things off for another year.
We attended a MC session during this time and he walked out of the session calling me a liar for having a different view of what happened the night. The MC told me that it was his mistake in not preparing him enough to tolerate my view and it was his advice for H to leave a situation when he is upset. MC suggests that H will call back and he will work harder to stabilize him. He also wants to encourage H to walk away from sitch but not to make them permanent choices. Then MC told me that it does take a year for recovery and this behavior is to be expected.
Well, since then, H and I discussed what happened unsuccessfully again - he just doesn't want to accept that my version of things is just as viable as his. He assumes what I think and feel and refuses to accept that he can be wrong. So I have decided that I will not argue with him about how I think or feel. I also will not argue about how he thinks or feels (in other words, I won't try to change him)
So off to MC once more... not sure if it will help. During our talks this week it seems that H is very uncomfortable with our differences and doesn't think we can live together. He is used ot R where the couple sees everything the same way - but my question is - if he was drunk all those years - how distorted is his view of past R? Maybe if he were to be in those same R sober he wouldn't like them either. But he doesn't see that. I personally don't see anything wrong with the kind of differences we have for the most part.
I just don't know what to think... we argued all the time and he walked out almost every weekend for a long time. Then with his sobriety, we went three months with only two arguments that lasted less than 30 minutes. I really don't get why he felt so uncomfortable that he had to put things on major hold. Now he can't discuss anything without breaking into an argument. And for those who wonder if he is drinking - he did have a slip but is got back to meetings. My suspicion is that he stopped his AD's which do seem to manage his anger for the most part but I havent' asked and he has said anything.
