Ok the walk- away and the back up plan with a girl friend. Great advice. The wispering to show dead seriousness I've been doing that too.
We had our first open conversation about somthing that I did that hurt him too - not just "You hurt me and I won't take it any more" It was a huge milestone. Just last weekend. Perhaps this is backlash.
I've done my 180's in terms of not screaming back, not fighting, staying calm - those are huge steps for me and I hope he sees my changes. Now I see I will have to step it up a notch - for me, not to show him changes. I just will not be around him when he's in that mode. I will learn to protect myself. I will.
BTW I stayed calm last night and showed compassion for his stress instead of fighting. That's when he turned around and appologized. He also was very calm with me today. Baby steps.
If we can get to this place of talking about the actual hurts - the things he and I did that we didn't realize we were doing that hurt each other and got us to this point, I think we'll be getting somewhere. I need him to find that place and as long as I am letting him stay in rage/blame mode, we won't get there.
Love, compassion, and the walkout. These are my tools.
