I have a friend who buys something for his wife on their anniversary, just a card, but he keeps it. He does not give it to her. So if you feel the need, then by all means, but don't give it to her.
On my first anniversary apart from my H, I sent an email telling him I was thinking of him. I got no response. On the second, I sent nothing. He didn't send anything either.
I think, first, you need to look at your wife's complaints. It is good that you are in counseling, and I would continue that.
But the other thing is that you also need to make changes for you. It cannot be all about your wife, but allowing yourself to be the best you can be. Are you happy? What about yourself would you change?
Ultimately, you must realize that you only have the power to change one person: yourself. You cannot change your wife's mind. Now, there is a possibility that in the process of bettering yourself your wife will realize you have heard her concerns and taken them seriously, and she may be willing to revisit attempting to work out the marriage. But there is no guarantee. So, work on you. Learn to not be so nit picky because obviously she views that as controlling behavior.
Also, there is a time and place for everything, so getting it out immediately may not be the best approach. Now, I am by no means telling you to hold it all in. But if you are frustrated, come here and vent. Do not vent on your W.
It is a slow process, so be prepared for a bumpy ride, and a lot of accusations that the only reason you are doing this is to get your W back. You have to have other reasons, i.e. making yourself into a better man.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
