But I do believe with all my heart, you can have a new marriage, with your same H.
Do you understand? Do you understand you need to, at the right time convey to him that you agree, this marriage is dead, but you are opened to the idea of a new relationship with him and that new relationship would start with getting to know each other again, and find out the new facets about each other, and taking the old things that were good and keeping them? That's where you are.
Your marriage is dead. But really, did you want to keep that marriage? I don't think so.
Your new game plan: Create a new better and stronger relationship with H.
First, stand up for yourself. The truth of the matter is that all of us are judged at how we handle tough situations. This is one of the toughest things you will face. So you need to figure out how to handle this with self respect and dignity. For example, if your H starts to beat you down verbally, you validate what is legitmate and ignore the rest.
I think the first order of business is you have to stand up to him. If he has a legitmate issue...for example, you spend too much money, (I'm not saying you do, just an example) tell him "I'm glad you brought that to my attention. I agree, that's an area I need to work on for sure." And then work on that. But if he says "You're just a big fat doo-doo head," you simply walk away. If you can't, say "I'm not and please, let's not name call. We have enough legitimate stuff we could be talking about and working out that I don't see that there's any room for name calling. I won't do it to you, please give me the same respect." And be calm. If he continues to do it, walk away.
You are a good person Swimming. You deserve to be treated as such. But you basically have to demand he treat you the way you want to be.
