Over the Shock and GALing 6

[Kettricken]

.... can open, worms everywhere .....

Personally, as a woman, I could never respect a man .... NOR trust him .... if I suspected or discovered he was agreeing with me to keep the peace/achieve a relational agenda when in reality he felt very differently. How can I rely on a man as my partner when he listens to me spout total crap without remonstrance, or sells himself out for me? It would be like if I found out he was "letting me" win at pool or racquetball.

I'm not talking about him validating my POV as comprehesible *for me* or being open-minded, manifesting compassion/empathy, considerate of hot buttons, etc. That's all good stuff. I'm not talking about having a change of heart/mind and genuinely coming around to my POV (this is where I see you, and it's great.)

I'm talking about the substance of, "You're right, honey, and I was dead wrong. I'm sorry," when that is NOT your true opinion. It's dishonest, and it's manipulative, and one could certainly make the case that it's infantilizing, from the standpoint of, "Well, it doesn't really *matter* what they think, so I'll just agree; why argue with a child or fool?" There is no partnership or respect there.

Besides which, if you routinely capitulate when you truly believe/prefer otherwise (perhaps because you perceive that the only other option is too much conflict and/or near-total invalidation of your POV) ... how does that *not* breed resentment *in you*? It sounds like that's what Mrs. Thinker has been doing for years, and with what result???

I think you're getting some bad advice. Gucci, if I have mischaracterized your advice, please clarify.

ETA:

Yes Honey, my dad is f....ked up. (get off the high horse of whether she is right or not.. WHO CARES? the issue is for you to learn how to respond to a woman that you love, not whether you HAVE to be right.)(screw being right, if your wife loves you more for being wrong on these types of issues)

You're doing awesome, though, Thinker. Way to man up.