Was in car yesterday and D-3 says they went swimming at the YMCA monday and mentioned OM name so guess its still game on or feeling desparate. Been getting email reminders from her about the kids stuff with smiley faces, like tonight is meet the teachers night and she has a procedure today so might still feel a lil woozy she says. I dont reply to them. I think she thinks its ok to start emailing me again cause she asked me last week if I still had my email address and if she could send a couple parenting schedules to look at.
Went to meet the teacher and X was a few minutes late as usual. Didnt really speak to her, it kinda feels weird since she wrote that. She talked to my sister more than me. But afterwards my mom wanted to take the kids to get ice cream and we heard D talking about how they are going out of town soon with OM and his D and XMIL. So X has me all jacked up over all of this but I dont let it bother me. Kill them with kindness I guess.
S7 first day of school and get a text from X to have him call me about his first day, so I did right before he went to bed, didnt talk to X at all. Picked D3 up from her first day at new daycare and got to hear a lil about their trip out of town over the past weekend and they all 5 went.
Oh, but before that, I made sure my mom and sister were on the pickup list for each of them. And I got to see the paper X had filled out and had him listed as "family friend". Kinda got to me but I just let it roll off then laughed at it later. All you can do. I think he has picked them up before at the other place so just kinda weird how she wrote to me but like she said doesnt want anything to change.
I know I may have been over anyalizing this whole thing but just kinda erks me that it has came to this. I am content with my life, its just that it sucks for the children and just all the things she told me while we were going through this that felt we were going to work it out or her views on how she wanted a family life and so on. Just baffled.
I'd say that her note was premature...don't you think? I suppose things aren't as peachy in lala land for her and she starts thinking "what if". Since OM is still in the picture, I'd say a lot of what she wrote is out of line...especially the part about seeing you two getting back together some day.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
Ya I hear ya. I think stuff just keeps eatin away. Tomorrow would have been our 5th anniv, so wonder what that is going to bring. Added to the fact that X came down with meningitis last week and hasnt seen the kids for a week, I have been cried to twice in the past 5 days from her.
X tried callin last friday when I was packing to go on float trip, didnt leave a msg. Calls the next day, I am 3.5 hours away on the river and leaves a msg about going to ER the day before and having meningitis wanting to see if I wanted the kids but S had mentioned earlier in the week I was going to the river.
I get back in town the Sunday around 330 and call her asking if I could have the kids now. The fit hit the shan! She had already got it worked out with her brother and SIL for them to stay there and they would take them to school. I explained the 1st right of refusal and tried to make it back fire on me on when I go to work or supposedly go see my girlfriend I leave them with my mom since that is where I am staying. Total assumption on what my S has supposedly mentioned. S says something and it gets so twisted.
The whole GF thang is funny cause there is a story behind that. For the record, I never had said one thing to her about this perfectly matched made in heaven shes got going for her! lol A couple months back, maybe 3 she has the kahunas when my D runs into my female friend's kids at a tball game. X says to their dad "i think my ex and your ex are dating". Oh man did we laugh cause my friend is dating somebody else, we are just good friends and I am friends with his sister and everyone else in our little clan.
So anyways, I throw the 1st right out there and it ticked her off so I heard it about going over to her house. Thats whats funny about that letter cause its assumed I am having a relationship with someone. What should it matter to X? Earlier this year or end of last year I was dating this girl and she was supposedly living with me, what X supposedly heard from my S. I just dont get it.
Lastnight X talked to kids and then me, told me she is still sick and misses them lots, was crying to me again and she apologized. X asked if I was doing something with them this weekend I said maybe but let me know when you are better so you can see them. X still running a fever so I guess is contagious still.
Dont know if it was lastweek, ya I think it was, when she wrote if I havent wrote it yet but at end of email writes "Thank you I hope one day we can talk. Sit down and have a conversation. I’m always here." was just telling me a few quick things about the kids. So, just keep going with the flow and doing my thing. Guess all the things I have done for myself has worked and is keeping me going.
Just got a text from X. "Could we eat and talk soon? No big deal?"
Had soccer for D lastnight and X was there and D's attention span wasnt there more than half the practice. She just has never been into doing things we other kids, likes to be her own independent self. D kept running around then was excited mommy was there and this and that. Thinking the X wants to reiterate how not so fun this is now again bout seeing the kids and how there lives have been split. Dont know.
I do know, well as of Monday, X is still with OM. Well at least we passed them going to my uncles house and he was driving the car I paid for! lol Just gotta laugh about it. Last friday X called and wasnt running a fever so I let her get kids after school and let them stay with her. Got son back Sat morning so he could go out of town and fishing with Grandpa (my dad) and his cousin who is the same age. They had a blast. It worked out good cause I was racing Sat night so I let X keep D again and got her Sunday before noon.
I dont really want to talk to X cause I know I shouldnt be the way I do but I just dont want to deal with her but at the same time I feel angry at her but dont let it show. I only deal with X when I have to. Its not like she is a bi**h towards me at all anymore, its like I know how she can be and guess I am still healing although its been a long time, about a year since I have shed any tears over her.
I dont really want to reply to her, but on the same token I probably should. I just cant deal with somebody like this. I dont know, confused as always.
I would like to sit down I tell X some of the things that have gone thru my head about her, but I dont think she wants to hear it and dont want to see her get upset and deal with that.
Later in the day X tried calling and left message asking if she "could talk to me in the next week or so for about an hour, nothing big and no big deal". Then on way home got a text "Just want to talk to u. If u dont want to just say so. I am sorry for everything"
I was like oh man, reply or not. I thought about what I should say and I dont ever text X but I felt I should so I replied with "Would like to but at this point prob not a great idea. Prob wouldnt like my outlook on things and the things I would say."
X replied "Thats ok. Thanks for responding. Wish u would hear me out but I understand". 30 minutes later i get "How do u even know what I was going to say though?" Took a while cause I was showering up so said "I dont but with that one email I have a pretty good idea" and that was that for now. Dont think this is a dead issue yet, but thinking she wants to tell me first hand what she had wrote in the email. And if I am correct in my thinking also, after seeing how D was acting at soccer, it hit her once again what impact the kids have taken.
JMO though. I want to talk to X but then again I know somebodys emotions are going to be affected. I dont think X will get bent out of shape, just sad. Me on the other hand, I believe it will just frustrate me after we get done and will be hurt again, something i havent been for a lone while. I know anything is possible if you put your mind to it, but I just dont know what to think about all of this.
Might I suggest perahps meeting in a neutral place (resteraunt or something) so that both parties would be less inclined to let their emotions get the better of them?
Your X has apparantly come to terms with her actions, I know I did wonders for my anger and frustration when my XW aired her regrets.
just my $.02
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
I hope one day we can talk. Sit down and have a conversation. I’m always here." was just telling me a few quick things about the kids. So, just keep going with the flow and doing my thing. Guess all the things I have done for myself has worked and is keeping me going.