Gotta Keep Trying 2

[Thinker]

It's a tough thing to do.

We have to:
- Detach to the point where we know we are going to be OK regardless of the outcome - in effect no longer care about the outcome.

- Get to the point where we can see the M, the R, and our S objectively - warts and all.

- Realize and admit that our "Love Tanks" are also empty, and that we are also not happy with the M the way it was or the way it is.

- Realize that we have to take positive steps to change the M - either to improve it or to move away from it ourselves - and then energize ourselves to start taking steps.

(all of this, of course, brings up the inevitable questions in our minds "Why do I want to be M'd to this person?" "Why do I want to do this if I am not happy?" "Why do I want to take this risk?")

So then we have to make one more step. We have to DECIDE to stay engaged (even though we are not happy and not currently getting what we need)and COMMIT to continue working on the M (even though there is no guarantee that it will work out in the long run)

Not easy to do. I've been ready to walk away a few times.

For me, the trick has been to focus on keeping myself happy (to minimize resentment so that I can give without expecting to receive in return) and to understand my W's point of view (because empathy counters anger)