Nell no way do I think you are being critical, youre right its hard not to turn to jelly legs and stop thinking when you realise its them on the phone!
Blood test was fine just have to get results next week, not too worried as Im two and half stone lighter than the last time they were taken and its blood sugar levels they were worried about as Im the only non diabetic in my family.
Today has been about me! one of the posts about what attracts you to the opposite sex, got me thinking about the first time H saw me, I was wearing black cords sat on the wall outside the church, ok I was just a mere sixteen but he always said it was the cords that did it for him!
Anyway I have a party/bbq this weekend and needed something to wear. So off shopping I go with an open mind about what to buy. Anyway I found a great A-line tunic in guess what H's hated colour green/cream, without realising it I thought ahhh need black jeans to go with this, so found a pair, and to finish the look a pair of killer black heels. All on and if I say so myself I looked hot. Cant wear heels to party as its in the garden but I have some cute black pumps for that.
On the way to the car park went through big department store and looked at the underwear, it was so pretty but as I need to get measured didnt buy any, although the store lady came up to me and said "could she help" and when I said "just looking today I need to get measured as Ive lost lots of weight" she asked me what size I was wearing and she said "no way, youre smaller than that" I felt so good knowing I had shrunk, its not a crisis there really is still plenty up there lol..
As I drove back in the car, I started to realise, I FELT SEXY, I havent felt like that for so long.. In the two and half months before H left we ML three times and the last time he told me it was just "mans needs" it wasnt just that but he had made me feel unattractive, unwomanly, and 100% unsexy, he had never been one for pretty underwear, so even that couldnt catch his attention. I had backed off because I believed that some of this was the drugs he was taking for his heart problems as one of the side effects was loss of interest.. I really should have twigged it was more than that.
So if he ever deigns to visit again you can guess what I will be wearing, complete with killer heels, and now I will be exuding sex appeal because thats how I feel and its not reliant on him making me feel that way. I have a new swing in my step and I walked round the shopping centre feeling like a new woman, your loss H and my gain, I almost feel like emailing him a thank you note lol! But I wont be!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
