When stbx left me, I thought I would never breath again. I needed him, how could this person leave me? Didn't he need me? He was like a extension of me, and I of him. The fire in my chest was there in the morning when I woke, and in the evening when I attempted to sleep. During the day, he was all I thought about. He had called me his sole mate. How could he do this? What was I supposed to do? Who was I, if not his wife?
Slowly the time went by, and there were times when I really thought we would pull through this. There were some small steps, and then all of a sudden he would pull away again, and it was exhausting.
But I still felt like I needed him.
Finally, I got tired, tired of the games, tired of the unspoken promises, tired of trying to read into every word, every action, every look. Tired of making excuses for his behavior. I decided that I'd had enough. I didn't need him anymore.
Since then, I have dealt with the death of my brother, a move across the country, found a jog, an apartment, and managed to get everything changed over, into my name, all utilities, all leases, everything I thought I would need him for.
I realized I really didn't need him.
So for all of you who are just beginning to go through this awfulness, I pray your marriages survive, but if they don't, you can get through this, without needed that other person.
I have faith...in God...in myself...in my children. I thought I had met the love of my life, but I wonder...does God have different plans for me? Maybe I haven't...but I do know this. If I do meet someone, I won't need him. I may want him, but I won't ever have to worry about needing someone to feel complete again.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
