you are right on point, I was thinking this morning... wait a minute, what has this guy done to prove that he has moved on and is trying to save the M. He says he's tired and he wants a good life, and he's making changes, but what changes. I know his son calls him to bring him food, but H hasn't set the boundaries. Oh, I guess, as he says, he's "gradually pulling away." The things that are still the same:
i. ow calls various times of the day (early morning, day, late nights). He doesn't answer the phone when he's with me and she calls. But that needs to stop. Even though part of me thinks it will be hell to get her to stop since she does whatever she wants to do anyway. ii. he hasn't sat down and discussed financial matters with me. Still from my perception is giving ow all kinds of money for "child support". Struggles to give me anything. iii. still pops in at ow's house different days to see son or drop off things for him.
To give him some credit, I guess, some changes he says he's made is that he goes over to ow's place to see his son less, but he still goes at various times. Also, actually this weekend I think we made somewhat of a breakthrough. H still babysits ow's daughteer when he has his son, and it still bugs the crap out of me. Am I to accept two kids now. His reasoning is that the little girl feels unloved and she always ask to come along and he doesn't want to hurt her and she's just a child and I should get over it already. So on Monday, the kids were over at mil's house and I was ticked off - son is one thing where did this girl come into the pic. Anyway, h was good about takign me over to mil to prove his point that no matter what the little girl doesn't know what's going on and she just wants to be included. She even calls mil granny. Anyway, after that he picked the kids up in the car with me (which is totally different b/c he usually keeps me at a distant). He dropped me off and then went and dropped the kids home. What was nice was that he included me to interact with them. I even complimented him after. It felt like they are a part of our lives, not him being a part of their lives and I'm on the outside. It was even funny to me that when the daughter asked me what's your name and I told her. OMG, you should have seen the kids expression. H's son put his hand over his mouth and his eyes must have doubled. They said oh no, and I asked h to ask them what happened, and they said, our mommy said we're not suppose to talk to her. I actually laughed it off and told them that's ok, you don't have to talk to me, I'll talk to you. And said to H's son, you're too cute so of course I'm going to keep talking to you. But H defended me and told them don't listen to her and that I'm a nice person. But how could ow be crazay enough to send her kids to over to my family, a place she can't even visit or call over to, and then expect to dictate who the kids talk to when they're there. That is insane. But it's so sad how kids are deeply involved in this mess. I would so protect my kids from being any part of this. It's a bad influence on them. Anyway, I thought that was nice this weekend.
Anyway, that said, I think I need to pull back until H has made some more changes. It so true what MWD says - once we revert, the WAS reverts back too. H is so bad to his old self. I need to practice consistency. I struggle with being consistent, I know it.
