Fallgirl`s Second Thread

[cat04]

One of the biggest things in the DBing department for me was to stop hiding my emotions. H had a whole bunch of anger with that. Of course, he wanted me to be how ever he imagined I should be feeling and when I wasn't that made him angry. He also wanted to believe this did not affect me at all. So that made him angry. Now I just say, you can be pissed if you want, not my problem, I have feelings too and I'm sorry if you don't like it.

He did not want to believe that this affected anyone but him. But he is beginning to not be so aggravated when he has to face that. Although I do believe he feels guilt, which I also will not own. If you feel guilty, then you feel guilty. You are the one doing what you feel you must so....

You know, I may very well drive him right out of my life because I wont' accept responsibility for his feelings anymore and I don't hide that. I also do expect him to pull his share around here if he is going to be here, and I have clear expectations of what our S needs from his father. I DO NOT tell H how to act or what I expect, but I do not hide from him the fallout of his behaviors/words either anymore. For a long long time I did because I didnt' want him to get scared and run off. But now, if the moment feels right, I tell him what I need to tell him. It is in small bits for the most part. But I have seen that he does think about it and then things change a little.

But I look at it this way, if I had a friend who was doing something that I knew was causing someone else pain, I would probably mention it. I just don't harp on things. I say them, and let it drop.

Of course I do the meditation and that has helped. I also vent on here when I have to. Just so much going on right now, here, with work (opening a second business), with S that I have to be careful not to get too overwhelmed and was not so successful yesterday. LOL. Back on solid ground this am though.