Partner left after 9 yrs - 18months on, reunited !

[AliSuddenly]

GAG - I am so glad it helps you.. I tried to find answers the whole time we were apart and I know my sitch is one type (the depressed WAS, no PA.. he dated ow once we were apart 10 months).. but some of the things he did seem pretty standard for the boards, so I am glad to post stuff about his thinking!

Piglet.. wow, I'm stunned. Thats an incredible story, thank you so much for reading and posting to me! I feel like you, that we will be fine in the future. Like you, my bf is being VERY loving, more even than he was the first 9 years. My Mum and Dad stayed with us last night (which was lovely and special).. my Mum said, wow, he looks so relaxed and happy and you two have just picked up where you left off, like the 18 months never happened.. She sees it and like you, its improved though and better than ever.

Wow and this sounds exactly as my bf speaks to me, exactly..

my H has said everything that your bf has said. That he wasn't thinking right, that he can't remember, and he's amazed at the things he did while he was in "the black hole". He said he loved me, but couldn't FEEL the love he knew he should be feeling for me. That it haunted him, and he started searching for happiness and relief from the black fog that surrounded him every day. He left and was deeper depressed and couldn't catch happiness. He didn't pull out of his fog until he was treated for his depression and says he doesn't know the person he was while we were separated. He totally can't relate to who he was or the things he did then.

Interesting about the guilt over ow, the convo we had was about how he felt guilty for starting anything with her even, as she was nothing to him (yet she loved him). He keeps saying he doesnt know what he was thinking, it was a madness decision to date her, but he said he has largely let go of the guilt he felt for her. I finally told him something I had found out, that ow had been chasing Cher's brother.. who is good looking but only 22 and very annoying! I said perhaps he should stop worrying about her now, she seems capable of moving on.. since then, he seems to feel better about it.

His guilt toward me though is even stronger at the moment. I was able to validate that though and say, yes, I know how bad you feel, now you know how I felt after my EA, its just horrendous.. the antidotes are doing right by your partner now, making up for lost time as you say and also, just give it time. He liked that I completely understood.

I told him last night, I feel so lucky, to be lying in your arms again. He said HE was the lucky one. I said I was lucky, it could have been a different story, if it had worked out with ow, he could've been living with her instead now.. he said, no that could never have happened with her, I said, why not? He said, becuase you are my soulmate.

Thanks sooo much for posting Piglet, its very helpful to know someone else has walked in my shoes.