Hey K..I'm sorry you are feeling down at the moment, there must be somehting going on.. despite my situation I've been feeling a bit down and dissatisfied and oddly like I am standing on the outside looking in. After I read your post and saw you feeling unsettled too, I remembered we are smack in the middle again right now of the opposition of Uranus and Saturn. Its push pulling us and feels like pressure building up (they are across the Pisces/Virgo access - self/others). I dont know if this is what it is, but I reckon it will pass and we will feel less 'caught in the middle' of something we cant put our finger on. Promise! My bf feels it too, tremendous work pressure (for Leos its across the work/home axis).. so we are not flying this weekend, but next week.. once all your hard work is out of the way! Cant wait to see you and your paintings.
So wow.. you sold 6 ??? Thats amazing! I'm so impressed, I was just thinking driving into work, is there some way I can use my talents to make/sell stuff? I will have to get inspiration when I come see you.
Oh and Uranus is the planet of change, and its still on us in Pisces and now opposing Saturn (the planet of restrictions).. so when that moves out of opposition, you can bet things WILL change again...
love xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
So, can you fly when you want based on availability on a flight or how does that work, working for the airport and not a specific airline? Thinking you might want to come to the US anytime soon?
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hey Kat, I could fly to US on stand-by seats or with the special priced confirmed seats. Unfortunately, a trip there is not in my plans anytime soon.
I am feeling a lot better. But not as you would expect. I saw stxH at the school today, it was the first day for my kids. He looked horrible and sad. And again, I felt my heart warming up. Scary... K
Kalni, you know you can visit me at any time without any notice. My house is your house.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I ambushed stbxH today when he came to pick up the kids and I went and hopped in the car and said "lets grab a coffee and talk. You keep ignoring me and we need to set things straight and moving".
We went to...Starbucks and I talked. I was talking. Asked if he had seen the offer and if he had objections. From what he told me, he had not seen it. He has it for over a month. At one point I told him it is ridiculous. What is his problem? He wouldnt even look at me. He said he feels guilty, that I made him feel guilty with my emails and that he cant look at me in the eyes. That he is very sad this is happening.
And yes, after 15 minutes "massaging" he said he will proceed with checking the offer and calling the lawyer this week.
He couldnt talk. It felt like something was holding him back. I cant really decsribe it. I am not naive to think he wants me, I just think he is overwhelemed because of all the "issues" he needs to take care of. He said he is planning to rent a apt. He also said the kids are not meeting any woman. Although he wasnt so determined about Christine being "nothing" as he used to say. So I guess he is seeing her again.
I wish he could for once, just once, open up and talk to me. Tell me he loves her and that he regrets what happened or apologise or say something coming from the heart. I must have really thought he was alot more than he really is.
I realised coming back, I must have an addiction to him. And I would even dare say, this "addiction" is mutual. We cant seem to let go of our marriage. Both of us. We do understand that this is not working out anymore, that the facts and reality ruined any last chance we had but we both wont let go.
For me its not about fear anymore. I was thinking last night what am I afraid of? Except from not finding someone that will love me enough, I am not afraid of anything else.
I know now that time isnt waiting for me. No matter how hard we try to hold on to bad things that happen to us, time just forces us to move on and deal with them. We say here it is a choice to move on. Well, NO!!! It is not a choice. No matter how stuck we get to persons and situations, time, life FORCES to move on. It's how we do it and with the less possible "residues" that matters.
stxH and myself are not done with each other. Before some of you react to this statement let me explain: We are not done mentally. We dont like what it means to be done emotionally (which we both are for some time now) and we are fighting it. We dont like the consequences and what that means to our kids. We do feel we are family to each other. And we cant separate our lives even after 2 years living apart. Insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again with the same result hoping something will change. This conversation about divorce has happened at least 4-5 times now. Everytime, we stop. Every single time, we wouldnt follow through.
But, the way things are now, we need to force ourselves to "let go". And stick to that and not look back. Because it has become a sick situation. K
I wish they had a smilie blowing a raspberry. Just trying to make you smile!