w8ing Thanks for visiting I dont really think XH has hit his real bottom yet It seems he hits it and bounces up he still lives in a delusional state but I am arouind him so little now that whoi can really tell??
I dreamt about OW Wife she was attractive in dream-but not better than me there was no comparison between us in the dream IN this dream I was avoiding all contact with her just like in my life I guess I am still not ready to deal with her and if I can run maybe she will go away?? but in reality she is there a worm..she is nothing I still chose to have no contact..and there is no real reason for anything else My xh life is none of my business XH still has not told his kids he is M for 6 weeks now He seems sober this week according to my brother who works with us Ive hardly seen him he is staying away from me my therapist says--xh will stay angry wioth me untill visitation becomes more as he wanted every other weekend and that his wife is included in outings I have not stopped xh from telling kids I encouraged him too an few weeks ago I feel it is not my place to encourage this little step family with my kids as I dont trust him or her I still feel the least he sees them is better for tham and better in nuetral environment like the movies or gamerooms instead of his love shack where he uses prescriprrion drugs peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Wow, I can't believe your H hasn't told his children he is M!
I am thankful my kids are older and I don't have to deal with the visitation thing and all that. Both of my kids have major issues with their dad, but my STBXH at least tries to reach out to them..... although with my S18 H keeps threatening to "cut him off" because H is tired of being rebuffed, and I can't say as I blame him for that one.....
Tell me...... do you find yourself looking at your past life with your H wondering if they were lying all along about things? I mean it's hard to think that somebody can just change their values like that, and I find myself re-examining past events and wondering if things my H said then were really the truth.......Ya know what I mean? I find that I just question so much now, even about my own judgement....
Anyhoo...... hang in there!!
((((((hugs))))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
silent Thanks for stopping by It is confusing to understand what happened I think in my case it was a change in xh but it was over years years of bad choices for him caught up he was a recovering alcoholic and was on a strict and honest 12 step program when he began to change his values it all caught up this is probably the man he would have been had he never gotten in recovery 20 years ago so one bad choice leads to another and maybe there seems to be no way out for some of them the consequenses keep piling up debt loss of family loss of respect loss of work nothing stops them
we on the other hand have to be strong and keep going making good choices and sometimes our best choice is to let them go they are not good for us anymore peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
....... sometimes our best choice is to let them go they are not good for us anymore.
Yes, I am coming closer to accepting this conclusion in my own sitch every day.
In C today, we talked about why I still think about it and hurt so much, when I don't really want the old M back, nor do I want the man H has become. I mourn the man I know he can be!! But that is nothing but a fantasy, really, so why is it so hard to let it go??
C helped me understand that it's because I am mourning for loss of the future we had agreed upon and I had counted on. It was not a fantasy but very real and agreed upon, and now he has reneged. That was a future that I had worked toward for 27+ years, so of course it will not be let go easily.
My H, too, has issues with alcohol although whether he fits the label of "alcoholic" is debateable. But, unlike your ex, my H is very "successful" and, in fact, has said that he "can do better" than me now.....
Anyhoo....... take care!
((((hugs))))
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
As usual, Peace...wise words - "sometimes our best choice is to let them go they are not good for us anymore".
For Silent Chrleader - I hadn't thought about what your counselor said before - mourning the loss of the future we agreed on. Today that is so applicable in my situation. My in-laws (soon to be ex in-laws) are celebrating 50 years of marriage today. I am a little sad. I would love to be a part of the celebration as I have been a part of their lives for about 27 years. But I am also thinking that I will never have the opportunity to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. I remember saying happy anniversary to my FIL two years ago, right after H left. I asked him how many years he had been married and he said "48 - no big deal". I looked him square in the eye and said "yes it is".
...For Silent Chrleader - I hadn't thought about what your counselor said before - mourning the loss of the future we agreed on. Today that is so applicable in my situation. My in-laws (soon to be ex in-laws) are celebrating 50 years of marriage today. I am a little sad. I would love to be a part of the celebration as I have been a part of their lives for about 27 years. But I am also thinking that I will never have the opportunity to celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary. I remember saying happy anniversary to my FIL two years ago, right after H left. I asked him how many years he had been married and he said "48 - no big deal". I looked him square in the eye and said "yes it is".
Hugs!
Hi, (((w8ing)))
Yes, I went to a wedding a couple weeks ago and they had a dance for married couples and they kept having couples sit down if they had been married less than X years, until at the end the longest married couple (50 years) was dancing alone. I cried. My mom brought me up on romance novels and I have always been a total hopeless romantic and always hoped/planned to have one love of my life..... letting go of that (especially when my H refused MC or to even discuss it) has been VERY hard for me!! But I am coming to accept that I can't make him do anything and I have to be content that I did all I could.
Take care, [[[[w8ing]]]]!!
And sorry for the hi-jack, (((((peace)))))!
Last edited by Silent Chrleader; 09/12/0911:47 PM.
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
I too dreamed of being married forever to my ML'er.
They just are not able to see the whole picture of life, i.e. grand children, rocking chairs, facing lifes illnesses, etc...
Fun, fun, fun, is the name of the game. Or should I say, run... We all have to accept our fate and be happy for what we do have. Now, when I think of ex, I often feel blessed for the many good years we did have. Instead of looking at all the lost time, I want to focus on the fact that many people don't get to experience the love that we had. I just hope one day he remembers.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
XH continues to spiral down in the tunnel his life keeps getting more complicated and disasterous more financial problems for him and other issues I cant get into NOT Believable Yesterday his W called my brother..said H was sick in ER I called his phone, she answered sounded high and kind of laughing as she would not give me info on XH er status said he was sleeping?? at 10 am in ER?? whatever..xh continues to create work problems with his lack of committment to business and his prescription drug use He will lose it all..maybe that is his destination before or if ever he gets help this OW only enables his destruction our R was total opposite as it always encouraged growth
I have to let him go more he may not make it through this unless he gets clean again as he is tumbling into dark waters peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Sweetie, please try hard to let him go. It doesnt mean you stop caring. It just means that you are not going to let him, what he does or says or how he acts affect your life.
I know it is a difficult thing to do. And we all get there when we do. But it is freeing, this letting go.
It means you are moving forward. It means that he does not have any control over your life. It releases you.
