After last night, I went and reread Robx's entire thread. I know what I did went against everything I am suppose to do. However, I do not regret it. It was not cheap and it wasn't without feeling. Like I said, if I had to pick the way our last night together would be; it would be very close to the way it went last night.
My W struggles with her emotions. She is on mood stabilizers for a reason. I truly do believe this confuses her. It is what all the counselers and psychs say. They all believe this confusion has very little to do with me or OM. They say these are her issues of hers that only she can sort out. What if they are right? Would removing all emotional support help her heal?
Robx, she is different from your W. No, she is not treating me well. But she does not throw temper-tantrums. She does not yell. She does not insult. I look at her and see someone that is addicted to an EA complicated with bipolar tendencies. I am not excusing her behavior, I am just trying to understand what it would be like to walk a mile in her shoes.
Robx, I admire you for the way you turned your life around; it is an inspiration to me. I hope to get to where you are. I need to repect myself more. I need to be more centered on myself and more confident. I need to detach and not try to control things over which I have no power.
Last night, I breached boundaries to love my W. Last night, my W loved only me. Yes, that probably changed today. But for the moment we were connected. It is a moment that she told me she will cherish. Is that bad for DB'ing? Probably, but what is done is done.
I am rambling. It is late. And I still need to journal today.
