I just finished packing and took a shower and a deep breath. I just wanted to journal one last time before I left. I am NOT going to make this about him or the act of what is happening to us.
I will, however, stay strong and be conscious of my self worth.
For a long time, this has been one of my battles....and one lesson absolutely LEARNED is that I will not underestimate myself.
As Elenor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission." In so many aspects of my life and to so many people I have given this power with a lot of naivety but also to assure myself that I was loved and liked.
Well, that is one thing I will no longer do. I have tried really hard to live that way... these past few months and I will take that practiced work with me this weekend.
I have said a prayer and picked out my outfits. I am going to get this divorce with as much pride as I can muster... I will enjoy whatever I can and try not to obsess over the act of getting a divorce. Yes, its legal now....but, really he has left me almost a year now, if I am honest with myself.
I am strong. I don't need anyone to complete me...to love me...or to even like me...esp anyone who doesn't whole heartedly WANT to. I will do all those things for myself. And I am very lucky.........I have wonderful friends in my life! And I feel more spiritual than I have felt in a long time....I am being true to myself.
And MJ....I really wanted to say thank you to you. It has meant more than you can know, that you kept checking in on me...esp this last 5 weeks or so. I have been so busy at work and wasn't able to really write much...but there are no words to explain how much it meant to me to read your replies. Thank you!
I leave tomorrow morning..... Will keep checking email on iphone and will write whenever I get a chance.
