WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 11

[confusedinpa]

So, be patient with them and be careful that you don't take your frustrations about your W out on them. I know you would never intentionally do that. I am so sorry you and the boys are facing many years (unless she changes) of misery where she is concerned.

Sandi

I really feel your care and concern for my boys. I really appreciate that. I am so worried about how my boys are going to be affected by this situation. I am trying my best to manage my own emotions and pain to not let it affect my boys. My cousin told me her greatest fear when her parents got divorced was being afraid for her mom (her dad left). She said that was the worst fear a child could have.

So I've been trying to be stronger for my boys. To let them know that it's ok to be sad/emotional as it's a tough situation. I will always be their Dad and love them forever.

Not much has happened today. Still no response/reaction to my email about the B'day party. She did text about something tactiacal last nite after the kids went to bed and something tactical first thing this morning.

I just responded to one of the 2 - I felt the other one was a FYI point (my 3 year old's day care bill). I sent her a text asking when I could skype my boys. She answered about an 45 minutes later saying between now and 8 (25 minute window). Big surprise, their skype wasn't working again (I don't think she even tried this time around) so I just called them. We chatted for about 10 minutes before my 3 yaar old said he wanted to finish playing so he wanted me to call at 8:30 PM (just before bed)

I called them just as I was sitting down for dinner with one of my buddies. I was disgusted to hear that they were in their mom's bed, as I thought of the things she had been doing in it.

I shook it off and focused on my boys. I stayed up beat and said good nite.

I was annoyed today as I was looking for an apartment, so it got me a little down since I knew she and the boys aren't coming up with me. Plus I got to the leasing office 5 minutes before it closed but they said that they were closed and I should have come 30 minutes earlier. I tried to argue that it was before 6, but they didn't want to hear it and asked if I could come back tomorrow. I just said no and walked out.

Then I started thinking about my boy's mother again so the hurt/pain started coming back as I thought back of all the lies she told me.

I wound up going for a short run and talked to stronger for a while. Not sure which helped more, but the combination of the 2 really got back me back into the right spirits.

So I'm now one day closer to seeing my boys!