You said something that really tore at my heart. I've seen children almost have a split personality b/c they become who the parent will love whenever they are with that particular parent. Since each parent expects differently from the child, the child has to adapt to those expectations. It is scary to think what the world is going to be like in a few years at the rate D is climbing and to think how many children are living like this. Some parents spend almost all their time trying to reshape or undo what the other parent has done to the kids while in their care....and by the time the child begins to come around to what that parent wants, it's time to go back to the other parent. No wonder some children are in such a mess. So, be patient with them and be careful that you don't take your frustrations about your W out on them. I know you would never intentionally do that. I am so sorry you and the boys are facing many years (unless she changes) of misery where she is concerned.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
