Last night I was weary, weary and thinking how nice it would be to have H do ONE thing to help - monitor the homework, do the bedtime routine, wash the dishes, pick up a few things, just one little thing. Being a single parent is rough (yes, especially when you have unexpectedly picked up another child along the way) but I think the rewards are what keeps me going.
Set goals give 2 -3 weeks monitor results. Change your tactics to get results.
MLC may run a long time, but small goals can still be met this way, just don't try and except results for the big ticket items, you know like. "I'm sorry I made a huge mistake. I love you."
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I guess what I meant to say was not hard from my standpoint but hard in the fact that we are dealing with someone who may not respond the way a "normal" person might expect to in regards to the goals. KWIM?
You can try and it is hard. They may not respond like a normal person and you have to be prepared for that. But sometimes they will surprise you and come through.
Even if it is one night. Then you have an opportunity to show appreciation, validation, and that is always good. I am always grateful now when H does anything that I might have taken for granted in the past. Mind you, I don't ask for much. My goals are for me. Not him. Ok I'm selfish. So any forward progress he makes is totally on him. I told him no more acting like a renter, no consequences or anything. Just a statement of how I perceived him. Did I expect him to stop acting like a renter? No. Not really. But he has surprised me and I'm glad. But it was his initiative, especially since I still went about like I have been, as if he is a renter. LOL. Who knows how long it will last. Took him about two weeks of processing before the first action, which was only two weeks ago. And we see what today has brought, but probably the longest stretch in the cycle of positive behavior so...
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I guess I was thinking mostly in terms of relationship stuff (i.e. I'll get him to kiss me goodnight or some such pipe dream). Are you talking about goals more like getting him to read with the kids one night, etc.?
Havent got the DB book to hand but I thought those goals were to do with relationships? Very specific attainable goals.
I used to wish H were more involved with the kids-well, I still do wish that, but I realise that`s up to him entirely. Outta omy control and it was very much part of my letting go to let go of his relationship with the kids too.
