Having read someone elses thread and with the phone call that has happened this evening, and of course a good adminstering of vino and chocolate, I am some thoughts I need to jot down!
Detaching and 180's
When H hit me with the bomb some of the time he was crying, I am wrong to be concerned that what ever I did in our marriage it resulted in a very kind and considerate man feeling very unhappy. I know realise that my insecurities have also contributed to this as well. Hence all the 180's with sorting out the accounts, living things as best as I can without falling apart, GAL as much as is feasably possible.. I have taken DB'ing to heart and embraced it!
My points of concern are that H said about me was that he didnt know how I could go to sleep after an arguement, (I sleep to avoid facing things) and also I think he has felt that when we have fallen out I have taken revenge, I cant say I havent if I was honest, my awful upbringing resulted in a very unconfident and now I realise dependant person, my security was in H not in myself or my own abilities. So he was tested to the full extreme to prove his love! although genuinely I didnt realise I was still doing it but maybe the damage was done long ago I dont know? Im just concerned that my 180's could be seen as "more of the same" revenge, just being cold and caculated and getting on with things! Really need some wisdom here!
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
