I'm new wondering if this works...

[BigJohn]

BigJohn: in some ways I can't believe I am answering this

Oh, stop! You know, before her A, my W was calling me her Big Sexy. I tried breaking that special connection with OM a couple times immediately following discovery with hot sex, but she stopped me cold after the second session because she was thinking about OM not me. I couldn't believe it. W has always told me and everyone else that I'm the most handsome and sexy guy she has ever met then this pig-faced OM ex-BF blimp comes floating along who can do no wrong. I think the whole idea that men aren't nearly as concerned about an EA versus a PA is just wrong, it hurts like hell and is just as bad.

A memory that did stand out was her watching me walk from the pool after a particlaurly intense episode to get her towel, and she said "hey Deep, remember what I said about you spending too much time working out?" "Yeah?", "Forget it, and don't stop". Months later into recovery, she told me she was being honest when she said she did not think of OM at all during that trip.

Makes sense. I'm just not buying into the idea that looks don't matter as much to women as they do to men, it's almost all about personality, feelings, etc. Not to say good looking guys should get a pass for being jerks- they shouldn't. But looks matter. And in my sitch, when it comes to me and the OM, the contrast in the looks dept. is major.

Thanks for confirming my suspicions.