She's been back in her room the past two nights. I didn't invite her in though. I've made no advances. No hugs, no kisses. I didn't tell her that she was welcome to come in either. I'm just going with her flow. Should I invite her in?
Nope. And here's the attitude to foster in yourself - not that YOU want HER back, but that SHE needs to have SPACE to FIND HERSELF. That can be a good thing in a M. Like her book choice shows - if she finds herself, she can find love. If she feels you UNDERSTAND - because you really do, not because you are trying to convince her - that she needs space to find herself, she may not move out to do it.
I had a MLC before our bomb. It means I am not at all just a victim of WAS. I hit 40 and my S started school fulltime and I didn't know who I was. It hit me haaaaard. I wasn't as thin, young, independant as I once was. I felt trapped as a wife and mother, not because I didn't want to be but because I wasn't facing my feelings about growning older and letting go of my youth.
Had I been able to admit this to myself, I could have talked to my H. Had I talked to my H, perhaps I wouldn't be where I am today.
May I suggest read "Eat, Pray, Love" and put your feelings and fears aside. Be open to imagining what she is getting from it and what she needs. Then you can come to her and say, "I understand" that's really all I ever wanted from my H and many of my girlfriends and the books say that is what women reaaaaaalllllllllly love. Understanding. Compassion. Support her need to find herself. Don't put it in terms of D because that is irrelevant - keep it coming back to an inner feeling of freedom for her. Like you are supporting her development of herself. Perhaps then she can stop blaming you for "stopping" her from finding herself and she can do the work herself and see she has a loving supportive partner along the way.
Just my two cents from a woman's perspective. Good luck EB
