His response to you is just more of the same kind of manipulation...or at least an attempt at it. I guess the odd thing to understand is that to him, his perspective of you and the situation is very real - and that's also why I think it's important not to get sucked into his versions of reality. In his reality, you don't really have an individual persona - you are too entangled and enmeshed - and there isn't a clear distinction between where his "self" ends and yours begins...and so...to him, anything you say or do is about him - and that's not a healthy way for anyone to be. When you engage in conversations about why you're doing what you're doing - you risk stepping into his version of reality - and also risk exposing yourself to his methods of manipulation.
But you cannot teach him to see you as an individual - nor can you change him so that he sees things your way...only he can take care of that for himself...and I think that process would call for understanding why he needs sex in that way...Just to be clear, though. While I'm not into swinging, it makes sense to me that there should be rules involved in participating in that lifestyle - chief of them, respect for the willingness of each partner to take part - if he cannot respect your decision, the problem is not the swinging, it goes much deeper than that - and that's not the kind of thing I think MC can help.
