I'm sure I'm not as attractive as I have been to him in the past, but, hey, I've given birth to our two boys since then, and I've been heavier than this (pregnant and not pregnant), and he was just fine with it. My point with the weight loss is the lack of confidence "I" feel with it on me. It's hard to feel confident when everything you put on is snug. It's hard to feel desirable when you catch a glimpse of your profile and you suddenly have this belly. It's hard to be "ME" when I put a tank top on and the upper arms are a bit thick.
I'm not losing weight JUST to attract him again. I'm losing it be be ME again. I don't feel like, act like, MOVE LIKE, ME, with it on!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Fourth, my H pulled the ILBINILWY speech on me in December of 2007.
Issue #1 - This was after a few years of "my" waning interest in a sex life with him. I always enjoyed sex with him, but was so "busy" with three children, a career, a new 10,000 square foot house we had just completely restored, etc...
Issue #2 - H didn't want this house. He felt bullied into it by me. He wanted to buy it (we got it on foreclosure), put $100k into it, and flip it. The more we did to the house, the more I loved it, and we ended up here. He wanted to stay in our 3,500 sq. ft. 2-story that we could have paid off in a few years... I won, or did I?
Issue #3 - Financial stress. Between the new house, and my HIGH/low income fluctuations, our old house not selling right away, the existence of a pretty expensive lake house, etc..., we were getting tapped. THEN, the tax man came knocking... (late Nov/early Dec), and we now have a HUGE tax burden, along with a HUGE tax attorney and CPA bill do deal with...
Issue #4 - History of headaches w/D18's Dad. He made things miserable all the time. Full of drama. She completely cut all communication with him when she was 15, so the drama is gone, but she remained, and became a bit of a pain. They get along great, but he isn't much of a disciplinarian with her (on a daily basis), so he always thought we "just didn't get along." He would step in when it was something serious... That whole dynamic is now much better.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
So, instead of leaving, he decides he is staying, but we're not going back to the way we were.
I make some significant changes. I stop the spending. I stop the requests for vacations. I offer to move, etc...
BUT,
for almost ONE year following, I beg, I plead, I sob, I shower him w/cards, heartfelt letters, heartfelt emails, txts, etc... I try to talk to him. I make him things... CD's, scrap books, etc...
And, for almost ONE year, things escalate almost every weekend he's home, because I'm not just too much.
We have a major blow-up in November of last year. Tells me he's only still here because of the boys, and has no desire to be married to me anymore. I've just pushed him too much. This all started four years ago when we moved into this house.
The week after, I discover Divorce Remedy, and this site.
I read it, I make my goals, etc...
I tell him, via email, H, I understand I've done everything wrong to bring us closer together again. Here's what I'm going to do to make things better. If you'll give us through the beginnning of the year (our anniversary - late Jan), I will not approach you w/talk about our M, will not pressure you in any way, and will just ENJOY our family through the holidays.
Then, after the holidays, we can talk, and decide where we go from here.
It's worked, almost, brilliantly. We get along very good. We laugh, we smile, we connect every so often, and we parent famously.
YES, there have been suspicions on my part re: OW, BUT, nothing very concrete, at all, and upon snooping, nothing to show as any kind of proof... And, believe me, I've checked.
SO, Maybe SP is right! Maybe I've turned him Gay!
Sh*t!
Thank you for listening.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
[quote] Maybe there was a naughty monkey that needed spanking or something....
LMAO - SP, exactly MY thinking! He sounded... odd, when he realized I was home. Like, almost caught! LOL And, his phone was charging in his car, so I know he wasn't on it. And, he was alone!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
Kalni - I have and he won't talk. Period. I haven't in a LONG time, though... I had a set-back around March, and blew up, but neither of us were speaking from any sane place. Anger only
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
