Listen, a couple of things. You feel what you feel. This is a difficult time in your life and your emotions are going to be all over the place and that's ok. Feel them and then move forward.
But, it doesnt matter what you think about your w - if she is MLC, WAW, or has fallen out of love. You still have to do to do the same things.
You have to do the work on you. You have to think long and hard about what you contributed to the problems in your marriage, what things about you that you want to change and how to be the best MW you can be.
You have to try to let your w go for now. Let her walk her journey and you walk yours.
None of us know what the future holds. None of us.
So, get to gettin'. Do whatever you have to do to move forward. Day by day, step by step.
Thanks all. Apparently my question came across more frustrated than I had anticipated. The bike trip was good, even without the rain gear. It is the question in my head. But at the same time, putting a label on it or not doesn't change what I do. BM, I hear ya! I just need stop looking for trouble.
You know it is an odd day when, as I'm out running errands, I actually reach down to do an emergency check to verify I'm wearing pants.
MW, this is hard stuff you are dealing with, really hard. You are going to have some good days and some bad days for a long time to come.
I always say I wish I could help speed this up for everyone. But the truth of it is, its important that you go through all of it. If you skip any part of the journey, you dont reap all of the rewards.
I can tell you honestly that I would not have wanted to miss out on this opportunity of self growth. Wish I could have learned it all in an easier way, but, it wouldnt have been nearly as effective.
Oh yeah, and the pants thing - well, nuff said - LOL!
Hi! I'm doing well. Leaving for vacation tomorrow. Ready to turn off my brain for a few days.
I've been talking to a bunch of women who all seem to be in the same boat. The logic is driving me nuts, so if anyone can explain this it would go a long way to making my brain hurt less. It is the same scenario, different women. It's not really about my W, but could very well be.
Been married for years. Some need is missing or not getting met. They're miserable and feeling bad about themselves. They're stuck and start looking to get the need met elsewhere. I've seen this over and over again on the boards here, too. To a person, I hear, I can't tell my husband how I feel. They want this need met, just not by their spouse.
That last part is the one I really don't get. My first response is ... say something to your husband. He probably wants to meet this need you have and has no idea you are missing something. I know that many women HAVE tried to say something and been ignored or dismissed. That's not what I'm talking about here. If you know you need something, why don't you say something? This could easily be applied to men, but it seems to be the same story I hear with every married woman I know. Anyone?
They have unresolved issues from the past. They are in a sense broken. They never matured into healthy, whole adults. I don't think they know exactly why they feel this way, but it's much easier to place blame than to look in the mirror.
The journey they are on will take them down many deadend roads. For some the search will be a never ending one.
This impossible search for the destination called "happiness" will continue until they finally stop running from themselves, and face their issues.
They have. Hell my wife did too. Said the same things over and over again. Our arguments became standard, rote. My complaints were repeated over and over again as well. Why change for her when she won't change for me? Complacent stupid logic. We take our spouses for granted, both the good and the bad.
When I say I am GLAD this happened, when I say I am grateful, I am not lying, I am not smelling roses in a cess pool, because I have a polly anna outlook.
I am glad this happened, because I have taken complancentcy and destroyed it. I strive every day. I listen to my wife when she talks and realize that it could be someone else listening to her talk...endlessly : ) ...about her day.
These women HAVE complained to their husbands. Dollars to Donuts.
And you know what?
Sadly it takes something like this to wake them up, sadder when those husbands...those spouses FAIL to look in the mirror and see their own contributuions to a failing marriage. Those are the people who get stuck, those are the people who will walk the same path in future relationships, be it with their spouse, or someone else. History repets itself if patterns are not changed.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
It is the question in my head. But at the same time, putting a label on it or not doesn't change what I do. BM, I hear ya! I just need stop looking for trouble. 