Looks like I might soon be LBS...newcomer here

[brownidmom]

So, here's the thing...

I have a LOT going on right now, I realize that. I feel like I have to make sense and work on at least one of my issues right now.

1) I HATE the limbo that I am living in because there is never a way to get away from it. I have issues at my job and career change thoughts in mind that make it impossible for me to ever completely get it out of my mind. Part of me sometimes thinks I need to just ask him to leave, which I have done before, to no avail. He said it is his home and he will not leave. That said, he has gotten the app. for the apt. and took the boys with him to pick it up, but nothing else at this point. I'm guessing that someone must have told him that would be abandonment and would work against him in our state, because he certainly isn't changing his tune on continuing to believe nonsense that has never happened.

2) I am so ready for a career change, thinking of going back to school. Problem is, I make a great salary and I would need that kind of salary should H ever decide to leave. I am scared to walk away from it for a job that allows more flexibility while I go to school. Truth is, if our M was a good one, I would make a plan and walk away from my job in a second. I am just scared to risk leaving and then being left to raise 2 boys without a secure job with salary and benefits. Or worse, having to fight H for our sons while in that predicament.

There are days when I can't keep from crying, days I feel strong, and days I really just want somebody else to tell me what to do. I pray a lot, asking for guidance. I just don't know if my answers are coming from my own feelings, insecurities, or whether they are coming from God. I am not really able to be still enough to listen, I think.

PLEASE- any feedback is appreciated.