Sorry to see you are hear stitch...Be prepared for a rollercoaster unlike any you have every experienced and you can't give the ticket back for a refund.
You have many options on how you want to proceed...the choice is yours. Focus on things you can control (I.E. yourself...GAL'ing and 180's) and be aware of, but unfocused on things you can't control (Your wife). You will see all over this board, DB'ing starts with you and rebuilding yourself...saving your marriage is just a possible outcome of that work.
Don't worry about what she is thinking, because what you think are rights and wrongs don't matter to your wife (sorry...just a hard truth). That is just another reason for you to focus on you!
I would be very proactive in finding out the cause of the new underwear. Don't ask your wife about it...because she will either lie or hold back the truth. Look for a reason, because it appears there should be one. In my experience women don't just start buying sexy lingerie for no reason. The same goes with the money situation. If she used to pay more than minimums on bills and now she isn't...the money must be going somewhere. Once you have your answers, be prepared for your reaction!
You are in the right place and there are a lot of brothers and sisters in this fight with you...some who have one and some who have lost....but they are more than willing to share their experiences. Tell us more about your relationship when you are ready...It will help in defining if your wife is a WAS or an MLC spouse. How each is treated is different.
