A Little Epiphany - (and a newbie delurking)

[Dia]

H has been incredibly morose over the past 48 hours. Flat affect, low eye gaze, hunched shoulders, depressed voice, sleeplessness, listlessness - the whole 9 yards.

Yesterday, when Sara mentioned the possibility of a spat with OW, I thought it possible but fairly wild on the speculation scale. Seeing him today, I am seriously wondering if OW dumped him and he's moping about it, or perhaps vice-versa and he's drowning in guilt for hurting her.

I have no proof, of course, but here's the question.

I have immense compassion for his grief. I know how it feels to be left or to feel bereft of one's partner. Regardless of my hurt and anger over OW, I am sensitive to how he is feeling/will feel in the event of a split with OW. So how does one act under those circumstances?

It's not like I can say "there, there" and pat him on the shoulder, nor would it be appropriate to say, "Good, now that *that's* over, get your a$$ back in this marriage."

I'm thinking that it calls for a combination of respectful distance (so he can process the feelings w/o pressure), supportive gestures (a nice hot meal, but no comment as to why) and more-of-the-same in the general PMA department?

I do understand that he needs to grieve, and I'm not at all angry that he's busted up over it. It's a very natural, normal reaction. I'm just flailing a bit at how to act around him while he's being Mopey Martin. And - perish the thought - do I need to worry about being a rebound??

Has anyone gone through this - nursing their spouse through the breakup with OP?