In your own head, you've made this relationship with OM a bigger deal. You have it in your head, she's practically living with him. There may have been a time when things were going well, but I kind of get the impression, she's more into his social crowd than she's into him.
SHE TOLD YOU IN HER MIND SHE'S TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO END IT WITH HIM. She's doesn't want to marry this guy. But the more you push, the more you push them together.
There's a part of DBing that I don't think we talk enough about and that's timing. If I had tried to play hard ball with H in January or for a certain period this past May, I would be divorced now. We were not in a place to do anything but for me to back off and lay low low low. I didn't engage him in anyway during that time when I realized where his heart and head were at. And that was the point of divorcing.
Does that make sense?
I think right now, for your timing, you need to lay low. You need to realize this relationship is not her life right now. She is her own life. She is taking care of her and only her and then her children. If you want to be next in line, you better back off and let her live, let her dump this guy and then see what happens.
Continue to make your interaction with her calm and relaxing. That's really your only option right now.
