I'm new wondering if this works...

[Deep]

BigJohn: in some ways I can't believe I am answering this

During her A, (but before I knew) we had massive, frequent, earth-shattering sex. Of course, later it hurt like hell thinking she was getting off while being hot for another guy. Heck, it's one of the hardest things to come to terms with. And W was brutal in the months after discovery. She told me about the connection with the other guy, how deep the feelings were, the whole WAW script. "Sure, I was ML with you, but it was time spent with him that put me in the mood". Ouch.

I keep in very good shape generally, although not at the intense level of workouts during the WAW days, and she had cited that as one of the things that pushed her away, that I could spend time working out instead of being with her; WAWs would say anything to justify their delusion.

Well, we had our 10th anniversary 2 months after discovery. For the first time, I said "damn the expense" and splurged on an unbelievably elaborate vacation with 2 private villas with a private pool overlooking a heartstopping beach front on the hillside of an exotic tropical island. I mean, it looked like the M was going to be over then, and I thought we might as well go out in style.

We had a bad start as we fought over OM the night before (she was still in WAW with OM mode). To cut a long story short, I could barely walk during those few days. We didn't bother with clothes, and made use of just about every inch of both villas, the pool, the outdoor jacuzzi, the deck beds, you name it. It was crazy. So much for our lost connection, and that special connection with OM.

A memory that did stand out was her watching me walk from the pool after a particlaurly intense episode to get her towel, and she said "hey Deep, remember what I said about you spending too much time working out?" "Yeah?", "Forget it, and don't stop". Months later into recovery, she told me she was being honest when she said she did not think of OM at all during that trip.
(that's not to say this was all peaches and cream, we came down hard from cloud nine when we went home).

So yeah, I think making yourself physically attractive won't hurt. My W always maintained that exteriors don't mean much to her, but I know that right now she likes what she sees and even playfully appreciates it when others comment on it. And yes, although we value the emotional connection a lot more, she's told me it was always easy to get things going due to the attraction part.