Helping out a LBS in his sitch and helpin gdeal with anger and frustration issues sparked me to go back and review some of my older threads.
One imparticular I was just reading was from the period days after our 10th anniversary and how well we were communicating and that maybe, just maybe there was a chance. Everyother conversation with XW always included her wanting to be friends with the underlying intent of potentially reviving the R. But I was steadfast to hold my ground that there is no way in the world I could do that so long as she was with OM. And, I still do to this very day.
Makes me question, did I 'kill' our M? Why could we talk so well then, even if it was up and down, versus now? I was half tempted to send her a text immediately to that extent. But then it hit, nah, it wouldn't matter, the end was written a long time ago. Her stated desires were merely game play to stiring me along.
I don't know, maybe it's the fact of her b-day next Monday. I always tried to put on a awsome party for her with all her friends and something always went wrong. Maybe it's what would be our 11th anniversary in just over a month. Maybe it's those gloomy uncertain eyes everytime I see her. Or, maybe it's the voice in the back of my head I need to tell to STFU and go away.
Going to keep my sanity.
Me 35/XW 33 S13 & S12 M: 10/17/98 OM & S: 07/08 D final 06/09/09 12/03/09 - 06/13/10 "Piercing" 06/13/10: Engaged to Re-marry 10/17/10 06/25/10: Expecting baby #3 2/14/11
