Let it go. One way to catch a monkey is to put a nut in a box with a hole in it big enough for the monkeys hand to go thru and small enough that the monkeys fist won't come out while clutching the nut. The monkey won't let go and then it's doomed to be a captive. Squeezing the nut harder and pulling with all it's might won't work. To be free all the monkey has to do is let go.
For me, I just don't get how to exist in a space where I let it all go + move on with my life + work to save my marriage. These things seem irreconcilably opposed.
I totally get that. I used the Stockdale Paradox to handle it. Two parallel paths that needed to be dealt with that were not in my control. You have to be ready to handle either outcome.
Quote:
In a business book by James C. Collins called Good to Great, Collins writes about a conversation he had with Stockdale regarding his coping strategy during his period in the Vietnamese POW camp.[3]
"I never lost faith in the end of the story, I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade."[4]
When Collins asked who didn't make it out, Stockdale replied:
"Oh, that’s easy, the optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart."[4]
Stockdale then added:
"This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”[4]
Witnessing this philosophy of duality, Collins went on to describe it as the Stockdale Paradox.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
