SB, If you set aside the swinging for a moment and just think about his behavior, it becomes pretty obvious that he is projecting a lot of his issues and disowned desires onto you. Though I didn't have all of the attending circumstances in my situation, the dialog was similar - in that my STBX would simply expect, no, demand, that I sit and listen to her barrage me with one insult and evaluation after another. Her method was/is to convince me that I had anger issues and that I was an angry person - my mistake, at least initially, was to follow the lead of loving her and believing that since I loved this woman I should be considerate of anything and everything that she would say to me...it was a brutal mistake that cost me a lot of self esteem and self respect.
Like your H, my STBX had to project her fears and issues onto me in order to justify herself. Putting the fault in the partner is a way of avoiding responsibility - and it's also a way of keeping you off center. The more you think about what he says and the more you question yourself, the more you play into the dynamic that he created for you.
Should you decide to leave that dynamic it will be brutally difficult - in fact, it will likely be devastating at times - and sometimes I think it's the fear of that unfamiliar pain that keeps us in a familiar painful relationship for far too long.
Talking will not solve your situation - finding yourself and strengthening yourself should be your priority. That way you'll be there for your children and you won't find yourself being so susceptible to the whims and confused projections of an unhealthy partner.
Personally, I think MC is not a good idea in your situation. Abusive partners can be very convincing in front of a therapist - and if you've played into what he has said for a long time he would likely find dozens of creative ways to reinterpret your shared memories to satisfy his understanding of things. A good therapist will catch it...though sometimes even a good therapist can be blinded by his or her own issues...and not see things that should be very obvious...(this is what happened to me...)
Work on you - stop playing into his mind games - and you'll find more peace for yourself. You are in an abusive relationship - and if you're not careful, he can continue to use your own goodness of heart to manipulate you.
