Well this morning I think it's hitting me a bit more..it is really over, just a matter of time. I don't think anything more I can do but truly move on, and yet I'm not going to help him file. I guess I should just try to be friends w him. I am mourning the past and the future we thought we'd had together...and part of me also turned off by who he is now.
I think the idea that he will wake up and see things differently down the road is not going to happen...I can tell in his tone he really doesn't have feelings for me in that way anymore. It's finally sunk in I guess that I really can't control him, what he feels, his behavior, anything.
I am going to get a massage this weekend and spend time w friends. At least I work from home when I'm not traveling b/c my face is a bit read and puffy today...didn't sleep a whole lot last night.
I've certainly learned a lot throughout this experience...sad b/c I've become more like the wife he wanted (and do feel more for myself like my old self again) and now he could care less. Changes for me I know, but I think it's so sad that he's just walking away without any trying, counseling, healing, whatever.
Says he cares about me and wants me to be happy...if so he'd do Retrovaille to have healing and let go of the past, but he doesn't want to put himself through it...I think he's thinking just of himself and his new ego and everything. I feel like I helped him in some ways get where he is today and now he just tosses me aside. Sad stuff. He told me a few months ago he doesnt feel like he's 32 he feels like he's 24...like he can do anything he wants, world is his oyester, wants to go out and party.
Believe me, if he came back tomorrow and wanted to work on things I'd be overjoyed...but I it's over and I need to move on. Moments I feel accepting of situation, others pissed and in denial... there is still a little piece of me that fantasizes about him coming back, but I need to stop doing that, he is gone.
