We have been talking and talking and talking and talking.
He's been thinking about all I said to him Mon night. Screamed at him is more like it. He said his guts won't stop hurting. I said, welcome to my world. Do you know how many times I've felt like that? I said all that tells me is that you're pretty weak. Because I've been tough enough to handle a lot worse for a lot longer.
He told me he's like all the men in his family and he doesn't know how to love. This has somehow broken thru to him that he isn't they guy he likes to think he is...that he really does go around in a pretend world where he's this great family guy and he's really not. And that for some reason over the last five years he hasn't been able to cope with being a husband and father, and that's not our fault, it's him.
We talked about the cancer, and i said nothing brings us closer together...it's like in his memory I wasn't even there. Instead of us supporting each other, it was the opposite. He said he did what his family does, he put it on his own shoulders to tough it out and do it alone and yes, he did push me away.
I said when you push people away...THEY GO AWAY. I said you can't throw your hands up in surprise now and say, where are you going???!! He said he is understanding that now.
We talked about a lot more. He said he's been trying and I seem to just be getting farther away, and that I am turning into him now (lol). I said I knew that was happening but it's so hard for me to trust him emotionally.
There was a lot more but I dont' have time to write anymore.
